Wednesday Jokes: July 17th

Police in Tennessee are warning residents not to flush drugs down the toilet, since the drugs flow to sewer treatment ponds populated by alligators & ducks, creating highly aggressive “methgators” – and “heroinducks” that nod off and drown.

  • Engineers are working to solve the problem by rerouting Tennessee’s flushed illegal drugs from local sewage treatment plants, to water parks in West Virginia to meet that state’s demand.

Amidst a record dry spell, France is restricting water use, frustrating French citizens who wanted to take their annual shower in July.

A Florida man who ran a red light and slammed into a car carrying teenagers confronted good samaritans with a taser when they attempted to help the teens. Asked why he used a taser, the man said he forgot his gun.

A massive fire at a Jim Beam distillery in Kentucky on July 2nd leached alcohol into the Ohio River, killing fish, and getting others so drunk they called for rides rather than swim home.

An elderly man flying from Bogota, Colombia to Barcelona, Spain was arrested for smuggling 500 grams of cocaine under his toupee. Customs officials grew suspicious watching several hot women ask to smell his hair.

The annual Running of the Bulls in Pamplona ended on Sunday with three men gored by a single bull. The bull expressed disappointment that he couldn’t gore one more runner to hit for the cycle.

Nestle is introducing a new KitKat bar without any added sugar. “Gimme a break! Break me off a piece of that KitKat bar and give it to someone else!”..says the catchy jingle.

This year’s Consumer Electronics Show – held every January in Las Vegas – will, for the first time, officially sanction the display of vibrators and sex toys. Before this year, to see sex toys and vibrators, attendees had to go anywhere else in Las Vegas.

Due to the current heat wave, City of Philadelphia public swimming pools will operate on a ‘Free Swim’ schedule — meaning planned activities will be cancelled so that everyone will be free to urinate in the pools.

Uber plans to introduce “flying taxis” in Los Angeles and Dallas by 2023.  Due to the company’s history of creepy drivers harassing women, female passengers will be encouraged to bring their own parachutes.

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