Tuesday Jokes: July 23rd

Students in Oregon schools will be able to take ‘Mental Health Days’ in addition to sick days. Now their classmates can accuse them of faking the flu and bipolar depression.

Workers moving shelves and coolers at a grocery store in Council Bluffs, Iowa found the remains of a worker there who had been missing since 2009. His identity was confirmed using a combination of DNA and his ‘Best If Used By’ date.

‘Virtual Staging’ – using computer-generated images in photos of empty homes for sale – is growing in popularity. Home sellers say it’s an easy way for buyers to picture the home with different furnishings, or a different family.

A United Kingdom family claims a seagull scooped up their pet chihuahua in its beak and flew off with it. They also claim a second seagull stole large fries to go with the dog.

  • The seagull was tired of the usual food at the beach and wanted to get Mexican.

A new study finds young adults expect financial independence by age 23, but parents don’t think they’ll be independent until age 25. Young adults based answers on expected income; parents based answers on having 25-year-old kids living in their basement.

Actress Bella Thorne came out as pansexual. Horny boys promptly came out as pans.

A resident of the New York City borough of Queens found a wrapped, intact In-N-Out ‘Double Double’ burger lying on the street. The nearest In-N-Out location is 1,500 miles away. Grubhub has reported a 95-year-old delivery person from Los Angeles missing.

Vice President Mike Pence reportedly cancelled a visit to New Hampshire in early July to avoid meeting with a civic leader who was, unknowingly, being investigated for drug trafficking. Pence wrestled with the decision because the man was really cute.

Four minors, including a six-year-old, are identified as suspects in the theft of guns from a North Carolina store. Because of his age, his name is not being released, but his playdate calendar just cleared out bigtime.

The Environment America Research and Policy Center listed the five dirtiest beaches in each U.S. coastal or Great Lakes city, except for New Jersey, which listed “Atlantic City, then everywhere else”.

 

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