Monday Jokes: July 22nd

Microsoft is offering free software to boards of election in U. S. municipalities to prevent voting machine hacking. This follows several years of Facebook making their free software available to manipulate elections.

Tom Brady was criticized for diving off a Costa Rica cliff while holding his 6-year-old daughter’s hand. He then let some air out of his daughter and got a better grip for their second jump.

The Wyoming Valley School District in Pennsylvania is warning families their kids could be sent to foster care if school lunch debts remain unpaid. The kids are fine with it and want to know what their foster families are serving for lunch.

A Congresswoman said she witnessed hundreds of men and women held in a room for hours doing nothing during an oppressive heat wave. Then she left the House of Representatives and visited a Border Patrol detention center in Texas.

President Trump dropped in on a Saturday wedding reception at his golf club in Bedminster, New Jersey. Trump called the couple over to pose for photos, then told them to go back where they came from.

At San Diego Comic-Con, Marvel Studios President Kevin Feige confirmed there will be more LGBTQ characters in the Marvel Cinematic Universe – leading to Peter Parker & Mary Jane Watson’s first awkward three-way.

During a guided safari tour on Saturday at the Nemacolin Woodlands Resort in Farmington, Pennsylvania, a Himalayan bear reached through a fence and bit an employee’s arm. “NOW will you get me some cold water?” said the bear standing in 98-degree heat.

Natalie Portman will play the first-ever female Thor in new Marvel film ‘Thor: Love and Thunder’. Plot details are scarce, but are believed to involve lady Thor’s search to replace Mjolnir, Hammer of the Gods, with a more sensible rechargeable cordless drill.

A new study claims women are more likely to die in vehicle accidents because “female” crash test dummies are much smaller than real women, meaning seat belts and airbags aren’t properly designed. Also, female crash test dummies don’t text or distract male drivers by asking to use restrooms.

Rumors circulating about Apple’s iPhone 12 claim it will have a revolutionary new display — it will use OLED technology, and will need to be dropped a second time before it breaks.


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