Friday Jokes: August 2nd announced they’re letting everyone – not just paid members – access the records of people and families impacted by the Holocaust. It’s a free promotion that Ancestry calls fun for the whole family!

New Jersey’s Right to Die law went into effect, legalizing assistance in dying to those given less than six months to live, as designated by a certified medical professional or New Jersey Mob Boss.

Needles, California wants to be a 2nd Amendment “sanctuary city”, free from California’s rules regarding guns and ammunition. They call it a sanctuary city because nothing provides sanctuary for someone like shooting them dead.

Doctors in Colorado claim that, since the state legalized recreational marijuana, it’s impacted pot-smokers’ reaction to surgery. Namely, they get high and forget to show up for it.

FX Network will air a 10-episode series, ‘A Teacher’, about a female high school teacher who has an affair with a male student. The series will star Kate Mara, who beat out several dozen real teachers arrested for doing the same thing.

Bravo Network show “‘Southern Charm” shocked viewers as a female cast member accused a male cast member of giving her chlamydia.  Another Bravo Network show, “Watch What Happens Live!” will bring the whole cast on to get penicillin shots.

Americans are disputing the U.S. Government Publishing Office guide to the proper terms describing state residents. For instance, New Hampshire residents are New Hampshirites, Indiana residents are Hoosiers, and Mississippi residents are Numbskulls.

A Cleveland bank robber gave a bank teller a note demanding money. However, the back of the note contained his name and a note he’d written earlier that day at the DMV. He was arrested, and was happy he didn’t have to go back to the DMV.

An Arizona man learned the body of his late mother was sold to the U.S. military, who used it for “blast testing” – strapping the body to a chair, then detonating an explosive underneath. The man is demanding to know what happened to his favorite chair.

A Philadelphia news station captured video of mice running around the dining area of a Popeye’s Chicken restaurant. The mice explained they were lost, and were given a ride back to the KFC where they live.


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