Wednesday Jokes: September 11th

President Trump fired National Security Adviser John Bolton. The two allegedly clashed over policy related to Iran, North Korea, the Taliban and how much time to spend each day watching television.

Student loan experts say education debt is now a “trillion dollar blackhole” that’s hurting the nation’s financial system with delinquency – as opposed to the “billion dollar blackhole” which is what they call University of Phoenix.

A female high school swimmer in Alaska was disqualified from a heat she’d won when a referee ruled her school-issued swimsuit didn’t cover enough of her buttocks. Her coach appealed, and the swimmer is consoled by the half-million Instagram followers she added.

A Tennessee high school painted over bathroom mirrors, because they say mirrors cause the students to be late for class. The paint made matters worse, since Tennessee students became terrified thinking they’d disappeared.

Michael Jordan pledged $1 million to Hurricane Dorian relief in the Bahamas. A Bahamas golf pro asked Jordan if he’d like to play and make it double-or-nothing.

Dr. Reyes Gauna, superintendent of Byron Union School District in Northern California, started out as a school custodian. He said he’s proud of his accomplishments, but has a hard time concentrating on work when he hears a kid puke.

The invasive spotted lantern fly has migrated to the City of Philadelphia. The fly – which destroys trees and other vegetation – has adapted and survived by arranging the spots on its wings to read “Dallas Sucks”.

Ellen Degeneres said during summer break she revealed her natural hair color for the first time in decades, adding it had been colored blond for so long she’d forgotten what it was. “I have a pretty good idea” said Ellen’s wife, Portia.

The Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders settled a pay dispute, getting a raise to $12/hour and $400/game. However, the team quadrupled the price of push-up bras and booty shorts.

A 23-year-old Wisconsin health teacher was charged with sexual conduct with a 15-year-old student, who aced health class.


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