Tuesday Jokes: October 8th

A buck crashed through the window of a hair salon on Long Island. The animal fled shortly after his antlers received 10 frosted tips.

Dick’s Sporting Goods CEO said the company destroyed $5 million worth of AR-15 rifles after finding out the chain sold one to a school shooter. The company also destroyed $50 million worth of golf clubs when they saw how badly customers played with them.

The Glenlivet released their ‘Capsule Collection’ of whisky pods, aged scotch encased in an edible capsule made of seaweed. Some drinkers are popping them in their mouth and biting them, others plan to age them for another 20 years in their laundry room.

The Supreme Court will hear the case of a funeral home director fired after coming out as a transgender woman. The funeral home owners defended their decision, saying they’re in the business of burying problems.

The Supreme Court will not hear the appeal of Domino’s, who were sued, and lost, to a blind man who couldn’t order pizza for delivery from his iPhone. However, the blind man is facing lawsuits from several people he ran over driving to pick up takeout pizzas.

Juliet Huddy, a former host of Fox & Friends, said that some Fox News shows “lie by omission”, omitting facts and context while reporting the news; as opposed to the rest of Fox News shows  that “lie on purpose”.

Rachel Maddow will reportedly appear in CW’s new comic-book tv show “Batwoman”. No details were given, but everyone just assumes she’s going to be Alfred.

Target launched Target Circle, a new customer loyalty program where you earn points for shopping. KMart announced its own loyalty program, where you receive points for finding a KMart store that hasn’t gone out of business yet.

China is pulling back its support of the NBA after Houston Rockets GM Daryl Morey tweeted in support of pro-democracy protesters in Hong Kong. China is also pulling back support of the WNBA because they don’t really care about it, either.

After postponing, NASA rescheduled the first all-female spacewalk for this month. The original walk was postponed because a proper-fitting spacesuit was unavailable for astronaut Annie McClain. McClain has now been fitted with the first-ever AstroSpanx.


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