Tuesday Jokes: November 5th

The World Series Champion Washington Nationals visited the White House. Nationals catcher Kurt Suzuki wore a ‘Make America Great Again’. Trump told him he’s doing a great job making motorcycles, then asked how he’s related to Japanese President Shinzo Abe.

McDonald’s CEO Steve Easterbrook was terminated after revealing he was having a consensual relationship with an employee. The relationship was exposed when he showed up to work with red and white clown greasepaint on his shirt collar.

The New York Times published an exposé asserting that police breathalyzers are unreliable, citing the DUI arrests of 5-year-olds driving Big Wheels while sipping grape juice boxes.

A Maryland man was stabbed to death following an argument over a Popeye’s chicken sandwich. They say the suspect is a 28-year-old man, and they don’t know if he fled on foot. Since it’s an argument over Popeye’s, probably not.

Dutch Olympic sprinter Madiea Ghafoor was sentenced to prison after being caught with 100 pounds of ecstasy pills in her car. She wasn’t too ecstatic.

A black cat ran on to the field and through the end zone during the Giants/Cowboys Monday Night Football game. The cat’s on-field antics overshadowed his kneeling protest during the national anthem.

Kanye West’s new album includes a track encouraging listeners to swap Instagram for church. Women confused by the message are being kicked out of churches for snapping selfies while twerking.

‘90210’ actor Ian Ziering and he wife, Erin Ludwig, have split after 9 years of marriage. The divorce filing cited irreconcilable embarrassment over Sharknado movies.

Teen Mom 2 alum Jenelle Evans, 27,  filed for divorce from husband David Eason, 31, with each saying time is running out to find new 16-year-olds to start families with.

Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg said they’ll continue to run political ads – including those with known lies – but that they’re not doing it because of the money. She added Facebook makes enough money with all of the other misuses of information.

 

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