Wednesday Jokes: November 13th

Dean Foods, America’s largest milk producer, filed for bankruptcy. In case you’re wondering why there are so many cows driving for Uber.

Public impeachment hearings start today but will probably be missed by most Americans since they’re not on Disney+.

President Trump hosts the President of Turkey, Tayyip Erdogan. Trump had to be told multiple times not to pardon the turkey for another two weeks.

Venice, Italy’s famous canals are flooded after the city experienced the highest tide in 50 years. Gondola operators have instituted surge pricing.

A substitute foreign language teacher in Texas was fired and charged with assault for punching and stomping on a 16-year-old student. The student is okay, but still doesn’t know how to conjugate verbs in French.

NFL teams have been invited to watch Colin Kaepernick work out to see if they’ll sign him. No word on which teams will attend, but they don’t plan to show up until after the National Anthem.

Two people from a sparsely populated region in China have been diagnosed with pneumonic plague. Officials say they don’t expect others will be infected, so long as they don’t order the mu shu pork.

A 17-year-old boy whose lungs were damaged by vaping would have died without receiving a double-lung transplant. Surgeons described the lungs removed from the sick boy as “minty”.

Google is planning to offer checking accounts, and is teaching the Google Assistant different ways to say “you’re broke”.

A Russian man lost hundreds of thousands of airline miles after he smuggled his overweight cat onto a cross-country flight. The cat was discovered after getting drunk and inappropriately putting its paws on flight attendants.


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