Thursday Jokes: January 23rd

The FAA is considering keeping travelers from bringing emotional support animals into the cabin during air travel. They would continue to allow boarding for emotional hostility animals, also known as passengers.

A new study claims consumption of soybean oil contributes to diabetes, obesity and genetic changes in the brain. “So?” said overweight transsexuals.

Utah outlawed gay conversion therapy for children – telling parents they’re better off saving up and trying it when the kids are older.

Coca-Cola representatives attending the World Economic Forum said they’ll continue to use resealable plastic bottles, because their customers insist on drinking really fizzy – then really flat – soda out of them.

A woman on a Spirit Airlines flight accused a fellow passenger of assault, saying a man in the adjacent seat put his hands down the back of her pants while she slept. The man said he asked a flight attendant for a blanket to warm his hands, but since it was Spirit Airlines, the flight attendant said ‘no’ and told him to improvise.

President Trump dismissed reports of U.S. military personnel suffering traumatic head injuries and concussions from Iran’s missile strike on a U.S. base, calling them “headaches”. Trump said he’d “seen worse”, but that he “didn’t watch football anymore.”

A Philadelphia Flyers season ticket holder claims Gritty, the team’s mascot, punched his teen son in the back at a team event. Team officials dispute the claim, but added if the kid didn’t punch back, he can’t be of much use to the Philadelphia Flyers.

Netflix executives say that, despite investor pressure to raise revenue, they won’t be airing ads during Netflix programming. Viewers say they don’t want ads either, and that they already time bathroom breaks during buffering.

Planters plans to kill off its longtime mascot, the monocled Mr. Peanut, during a Super Bowl ad. The ad – where Mr. Peanut falls to his death – replaced a more controversial version where he choked to death on his own nuts.

Retailer Gamestop declared bankruptcy. They petitioned a judge to blow the dust out of their old, massive debt and restart.

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