Thursday Jokes: January 30th

Over 100,000 personal & financial records stolen from convenience store chain Wawa have been found for sale on the so-called ‘Dark Web’. Criminals can choose to buy lists four inches, six inches, or a foot long.

The White House is seeking to block the release of a new book by former national security adviser John Bolton, saying it contains highly classified information. They say classified info needs to be confined to secure locations like the Oval Office and the Mar-A-Lago dining room.

A jet carrying 201 Americans returning from Wuhan, China arrived in Southern California, after all on board passed health screenings and agreed to temporary quarantine. Asked what was the worst part of the flight, several passengers said “all of the emotional support chickens.”

U.S. Customs & Border Patrol found the longest illegal drug tunnel ever, connecting Tijuana and San Diego. It had elevators, electricity, a ventilation system and – most surprisingly – EZ Pass.

Two ‘dead’ satellites, a space telescope launched in the 80s and an Air Force comms satellite from the 60s, may collide in low Earth orbit at 17,000 miles per hour. It’s the first time two things that old slammed into each other that hard since Singles Night at the retirement home.

The Inouye Solar Telescope in Hawaii is taking some of the most detailed, close-up images of the surface of the Sun ever seen. They’re currently being viewed by the National Science Foundation, then they’ll be uploaded to Trip Advisor.

Bill Gates’ daughter Jennifer Gates announced her engagement to competitive equestrian Nayel Nassar. A wedding date was not announced, pending completion of Jennifer’s prenup with Nassar and his horse.

Nine-year-old Louisiana boy Tate Fegley weighs 103 pounds, but can deadlift more than twice his weight. He broke a state record, and received a sponsorship from Huggies Pull-Ups.

India reported its first case of the deadly Wuhan coronavirus. Said the Indian Surgeon General “just put it on the list”.

A new report says that Amazon’s Ring security cameras share personal information with Facebook. Authors of the report cited numerous instances where the camera shared images of women in their underwear with the Wow! emoji.

 

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