Monday Jokes: May 18th

Russian long-jump silver medalist Darya Klishina revealed she was offered $300,000 a month to become an escort. Klishina declined the offer, and the guy said he’d try his luck with the pole vaulters.

Classic video game Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater will be rereleased and feature the skate pros at their current ages. The boards will have walkers on the front of them.

At age 13, Isabella Rose Taylor became the youngest fashion designer to have a clothing line at Nordstrom. She’s so young, any guy caught removing one of her dresses from a date faced felony charges.

Ikea released designs for making forts out of their furniture and accessories, leading to dozens of parents suing Ikea after the forts fell on their kids.

Actress and married mom Megan Fox was spotted riding in a car with rapper Machine Gun Kelly, leading to speculation she may be leaving her husband, Beverly Hills 90210 actor Brian Austin Pea Shooter Green.

A man drove 600 miles from Olympia, Washington to Sacramento, California to get a haircut. By the time he arrived home, he was back on the road for a trim.

Justin Bieber said he wishes he “saved himself” for his wife, Hailey Bieber – but admits that he “spent himself” a thousand or so times.

Buffalo Bills draft pick A.J. Epenesa, a defensive lineman out of Iowa, said that “Buffalo is a lot like Iowa”…insulting both Buffalo, and Iowa.

The NFL is considering awarding improved draft position to teams that hire minority coaching candidates. All 32 teams responded by promoting black athletes to Player/Coach.

PGA superstar Rory McIlroy said that he won’t play golf with Donald Trump again. Trump immediately replied that McIlroy is just angry because he lost.

 

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