Tuesday Jokes: August 11th

A 103-year-old nursing home resident in Michigan got her first tattoo so she could ‘cross it off her bucket list’, and so she could look at it and ‘remember her name’.

Smash Mouth played a concert at the Sturgis Motorcycle Rally in South Dakota, then dozens of audience members smashed their mouths and skulls on the ride home.

A 90-year-old grandfather came out as gay – in the hope that someone will finally want to listen to his stories.

Seattle City Council voted to reduce the police department’s budget by $4 million. The move resulted in the resignation of the police chief, and the closure of a dozen donut shops.

A New York City transit worker posted video of a large black snake on a Brooklyn subway platform. This is different from the large black snakes occasionally exposed by deviants in the subway cars.

The Big 10 Conference is rumored to be scrapping the 2020 college football season. “Finally! I can finish my novel and learn a new language!” said academically ambitious football players.

If college football is cancelled, the NFL may move some games to Saturday. And Friday and Tuesday and Wednesday.

DC Comics – home to Batman, Superman, Wonder Woman & Others – is undergoing massive layoffs. Alfred the Butler is applying for a job at the Gotham City Walmart.

The Democratic National Convention announced its lineup of speakers. It’s anyone over 50 who can figure out how to join a Zoom meeting.

Vladimir Putin said Russia has developed the world’s first coronavirus vaccine – though everyone is pretty sure he’s talking about vodka shots.

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