Thursday Jokes: December 10th

Alabama extended its mandatory mask order through January 22nd, which is fine with residents who don’t feel like taking theirs off to brush the teeth they have left anyway.

United Arab Emirates approved a Chinese COVID-19 vaccine, although recipients say an hour after they get it, they already want another Chinese vaccine.

Attorneys General from 48 U.S. states and several territories filed antitrust action against Facebook. Facebook states they anticipated the action, since it was organized in a Facebook Group.

A new study finds bees are defending their hives from murder hornets by lining the entry with animal dung. However, bee keepers are getting complaints from customers who say the honey tastes like horse shit.

Scientists clarified the origins of Pterosaurs – the dinosaur-era’s flying reptiles, saying “Now, when a Tyrannosaurus Rex and a Condor love each other very much…”

Experts state man-made materials now outweigh living organisms on Earth. But they expect living organisms to retake the lead after Christmas dinner.

Iowa surpassed 3,000 COVID-19 deaths, as the state switched to a new reporting & counting method. The horse is reportedly pretty sore after clomping his hoof 3,000 times.

Doordash stock climbed 80% from its initial offering price, to a per-share price of $182 – or, about as much tip money as a Doordash driver can expect to make in three years.

New Jersey Governor Phil Murphy announced the state developed a predictive model for COVID-19 infections, with outcomes ranging from ‘Fuggeddaboutit’ to ‘Everybody Gets Whacked’.

A new whale species was discovered off the coast of Mexico – capable of carrying two tons of cocaine to the coast of California.

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