Wednesday Jokes: October 6th

480 Otis – a brown bear residing in Southwest Alaska – was declared the winner of ‘Fat Bear Week’, a public voting contest for overweight bears. Otis moves on to the global competition, where he’ll compete against other bears and obese gay guys.

The President of the New York Police Department Union resigned following an FBI raid of his house, after he blocked them at the door and requested his standard bribe to let them in.

The U.S. Department of Education announced a new student loan forgiveness program, which could erase the debt of up to 550,000 Grubhub drivers and baristas with Psychology degrees.

1,400 factory workers at Kellogg’s went on strike following a failed year of negotiations for better pay and benefits – described by a union spokestiger as “not GRRRRRREAT!”

Republicans continue to block Democratic efforts to raise the debt ceiling prior to a mid-October deadline. It’s so heated, Nancy Pelosi isn’t allowed to charge her lunch at the Congressional cafeteria.

Mark Zuckerberg fired back at a whistleblower’s claims that Facebook puts profit before people, saying it’s “just not true”. Zuck added they also put algorithms before people.

A woman suffered significant burns after running into a hot spring at Yellowstone National Park to retrieve her dog. The woman was treated for her injuries, and the hot spring now belongs to the dog since he urinated in it.

Experts claim to have positively identified California’s Zodiac Killer – responsible for murders in the late 60s – as Gary Francis Poste … a Sagittarius.

CNBC rated the Top Financial Advisory firms of 2021. Number One overall was Dana Investment Advisors of Wisconsin. Ranked last was your cousin who told you to sell your house and use the proceeds to buy Dogecoin.

National Hockey League official Ryan Gibbons was taken off the ice on a stretcher following a violent accidental collision with Arizona Coyotes center Liam O’Brien. Gibbons was diagnosed with a concussion immediately after he signaled a touchdown.

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