Monday Jokes: December 20th

An Idaho man murdered and ate a 70-year-old victim because he thought eating the body would “cure his brain”. Also, the victim’s brain was found in a smokehouse where the killer was curing it.

Google Drive will notify users of illegal files they’re storing on the service. Most people will be notified by Google; pedophiles will be notified by the cops breaking down their front door.

The newest dating trend is “hardballing” – telling partners early in relationships what expectations are in terms of monogamy & marriage. Young men are reportedly excited when told women are hardballing, then sad when they learn what it means.

Sarah Palin told a conservative crowd at a Turning Point USA conference that she’ll only get a COVID vaccine “over her dead body” – confirming the general public’s thoughts about Sarah Palin’s vaccine knowledge.

A Tennessee middle school teacher who’d won Teacher Of The Year honors in 2020 was arrested for molesting two 14-year-olds. Other Tennessee teachers condemned his actions, saying he should have waited two years and proposed instead.

Tiger Woods & son Charlie finished 2nd in the PNC Championship to the team of John Daly & son John II, as the sorta-recovering alcohol addict edged out the sorta-recovering sex addict.

Charlie Woods didn’t stick around for the post-tourney press conference, because there’s a hostess at Chuck E. Cheese he has his eye on, whose shift ended at 5pm.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers QB Tom Brady, at the end of a shutout loss to the New Orleans Saints, was shown on the sidelines throwing & breaking a Microsoft Surface tablet in frustration. The Surface was penalized 15 yards for taunting.

Retired porn star & director Randy Spears said Billie Eilish is right for saying that watching porn as an 11-year-old damaged her young brain and hindered her adult sex life. Spears made the comments at the release party for his California Teen Hos 1-12 Collectors Box Set.

Bradley Cooper film Nightmare Alley bombed so hard at the box office, cinemas cancelled screenings to accommodate more Spider Man: No Way Home showings. To salvage some revenue, it’s being rereleased as Madea’s Nightmare Alley.

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