Thursday Jokes: May 12th

A woman shared a Tik Tok video of moldy breast implants she had removed in 2020 after they were making her ill. She kept them because her boyfriend still likes to squeeze them while he watches football.

Before fugitive corrections officer Vicky White killed herself with a gunshot to the head, she was overheard on a 911 call complaining that prison escapee Casey White wanted to stay “in a f**kin’ motel”. Casey White was overheard saying he had reward points he needed to use before they expired.

Google Maps is adding detailed “immersive views” of major U.S. cities. Soon, drivers in Chicago & Philadelphia will be able to see their carjacker on a route map.

Andy Dick was arrested and charged with felony sexual battery at a California campground. The bear did not suffer serious injury.

Two million people signed a petition calling for actress Amber Heard to be removed from the upcoming Aquaman 2 movie; but all agree that, even if they do, it’ll still probably suck as much as Aquaman.

The 2022 Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue will feature Kelly Hughes – the first SI model to show off her C-section scar. She joins hundreds of past models who proudly displayed their T and A sections.

North Korea reported its first COVID outbreak, and ordered an immediate lockdown, which is apparently different than the everyday Because-We’re-North-Korea lockdown.

A Tibet Airlines jet caught fire after sliding off the runway during takeoff in China, with all passengers & crew evacuated safely. Meanwhile in the U.S., a Spirit Airlines jet caught fire on takeoff, and all passengers had their snacks upgraded to warm peanuts.

Florida gas prices reached a record high, making it more expensive than ever for retirees to slowly crash their cars into each other.

Madonna released a series of digital NFTs depicting plants and bugs growing out of her vagina. Her gynecologist recommended she start using Summer’s Eve with RoundUp.

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