Friday Jokes: May 13th

A South Carolina man died of a heart attack while burying the girlfriend he’d killed, in what’s commonly known as a South Carolina Murder-Suicide.

Scientists grew plants in soil collected from the Moon for the first time. Then the NASA cleaning lady forgot to water them so they had to start over.

The first war crimes trial since Russia’s invasion of Ukraine began in Kyiv. The start of the trial was delayed since the Russian defendant found out his first-choice lawyer, Johnnie Cochran, was dead.

President of the United Arab Emirates, Sheikh Khalifa bin Zayed Al Nahyan, died at age 73. A lottery will be held to decide which of his wives attend his funeral, where one will give a eulogy – 80% of which will be time spent saying his name and title.

Kelly Osbourne is pregnant. She’s letting her father Ozzy suggest names, so it’s Jurmuhf for a girl and Mobiffruh for a boy.

Production begins soon on the sixth installment in the Scream horror franchise, tentatively titled Scream 6: Hoarse.

Tom Brady signed a staggering $375 million, 10-year broadcasting deal with Fox Sports to provide commentary during NFL games. Fox also inked Rob Gronkowski to a lesser deal to provide commentary during Women’s Jell-o Wrestling.

Top Gun: Maverick director Joseph Kosinski told an interviewer why Kelly McGillis and Meg Ryan weren’t asked to reprise their roles for the Top Gun sequel, explaining that he saw recent pictures of Kelly McGillis and Meg Ryan.

China’s Mars rover discovered water existed on Mars more recently than experts believe – after the rover got stuck in a water-filled ditch.

Before helping convicted murderer Casey White escape an Alabama prison, accomplice/corrections officer Vicky White purchased sex toys. Lucky for her, Alabama prison stores sell sex toys.

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