Monday Jokes: May 23rd

Full Circle Everest, a group of seven men & women, became the first all-black group in history to summit Mount Everest. In doing so, they became the first seven black people to travel 29,000 feet without experiencing dumb racist bullshit.

A Texas woman is on the run after shooting & killing a female professional bicycle racer who she suspected of an affair with her live-in boyfriend. The suspect is expected to claim mental impairment because she, too, was about to start her cycle.

Twisted Sister frontman Dee Snider said he thinks he’s played his last live show. So, in Motley Crue terms, he’ll be back on the road in a few months.

Russia permanently banned 963 Americans from ever entering the country again, including President Biden and Vice President Harris, but not Donald Trump. Trump has not announced whether or not he’ll attend any of the concert dates on the Pussy Riot reunion tour.

Ohio police pulled over a drunk Amish man, slumped over while driving a horse-drawn buggy on a public road. The driver failed an Amish field sobriety test, where he was given lumber & nails and could not raise the side of a barn.

The U.S. Southern Baptist Conference released a 300-page report detailing decades of rampant sexual abuse and cover-ups by church leaders. The Baptists and Catholics will hold a summer Bible camp so they can break the tie and decide who’s worse.

Tiger Woods withdrew from the final round of the PGA Championship, citing pain in his injured foot that was so bad, he couldn’t have parking lot sex with a Hooters hostess while standing up.

Starbucks is leaving Russia, shutting down all 130 locations. The closure is expected to have a devastating impact on CD sales for Zamfir, Master Of The Pan Flute.

Jif peanut butter products were recalled for possible salmonella contamination, leaving choosy mothers to clean up a lot of vomit.

Arby’s is selling its first-ever hamburger, the Wagyu Steakhouse Burger. The first-ever order for it was a cease-and-desist order from Japan’s Wagyu Beef Council.

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