Friday Jokes: May 20th

Elon Musk denied exposing himself to a flight attendant on a private jet. Musk explained that if it did happen, it was because he had left his penis on autopilot.

Coke announced they’ll tether plastic bottle caps to bottles in the UK so that the caps will be recycled. They won’t do it in the U.S., after research found that small sea turtles like wearing the caps as hats.

Poison drummer Rikki Rockett announced he’s cancer-free ahead of the group’s summer Stadium Tour with Motley Crue & Def Leppard. Rockett also announced he’s free of roughly half of the 30 STDs he’s carried around since the late 80s.

Rihanna gave birth to a baby boy. The baby arrived, and began crying, but like his Mom, couldn’t really hold the note.

Tiger Woods shot a four-over-par opening round at the PGA Champiionship, saying his surgically repaired leg hurts. He planned to receive physical therapy prior to the second round as soon as he finds the right hostess at TGI Friday’s.

Scientists are baffled by the outbreaks of monkeypox in Europe and the U.S. Also baffled?…monkeys coming down with chickenpox.

Google partnered with pesticide Off to launch a tool that predicts mosquito populations in your area. The tool already faces criticism from mosquitos, angry that Google is sharing their location data without permission.

Prince William and Kate Middleton attended the London premiere of Top Gun: Maverick with star Tom Cruise. No sign of Prince Harry, who William repeatedly referred to as ‘Goose’.

Bob Mackie, who designed the Marilyn Monroe dress that Kim Kardashian borrowed and wore to this year’s Met Gala, said it was a mistake letting her wear it. He added it was also a mistake letting her eat Taco Bell while she did.

The St Louis Zoo announced the birth of critically endangered Amur leopard cubs. Zoo officials said they’re glad the cats aren’t black, because that would make them even more endangered in St. Louis.

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