Tuesday Jokes: May 24th

Colin Cantwell, designer of Star Wars’ Death Star, passed away at age 90. More bad news, he asked to have his ashes spread on his home planet of Alderaan.

Noah Thompson won Season 20 of American Idol. He received congratulatory messages from 19 previous winners, 2 of which he’d actually heard of.

Florida confirmed its first case of Monkeypox, but it was quickly eradicated by several local strains of herpes.

The last public pay phones in New York City were removed, leaving locals confused about who they should call for a good time.

The City of Philadelphia will spend $13 million to dredge the Schuylkill River, reuniting hundreds of local families with their grandparents.

San Francisco Mayor London Breed will boycott the city’s Pride Parade, opposing a ban on city police participating in the parade in uniform. Worse, the ban also means all of the Village People can’t be in it either.

Bruce Springsteen & the E Street Band announced a 2023 World Tour – the first ever where a majority of ticket sales are purchased by withdrawals from 401[k]s.

Princeton University fired Classics professor Joshua Katz for failing to disclose a sexual relationship with a student 15 years ago. Katz defended his actions, saying he did fully detail the relationship in a 2007 issue of Dear Penthouse Forum: Classics.

Three Americans at a Sandals resort in the Bahamas died of carbon monoxide poisoning, according to a Bahamas medical examiner – contradicting the findings of Sandals house doctor, who had ruled they’d passed of a fun overdose.

The auction of a dress worn by Judy Garland in The Wizard Of Oz was blocked by a judge, because of a dispute over its current ownership. A woman claims the dress was owned by her late uncle, who died in 1986. She wasn’t going to sue, but then realized the courage she needed was in her all along.

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