Thursday Jokes: May 26th

Texas gubernatorial candidate Beto O’ Rourke interrupted Gov. Greg Abbott’s postmortem press briefing about the Uvalde school shooting to demand change. An angry Abbott threatened to punch his ass.

Oklahoma Governor Kevin Stitt signed a restrictive statewide abortion ban in to law. As part of his commitment to saving lives, he’ll next sign a statewide ban on tornados.

The National Rifle Association banned guns from its convention in Texas. Sales projections at on-site souvenir stands were cut dramatically.

Scientists created a tiny robot crab that can stand on the side of a penny. The robot crab is also the result of poor robot hygiene.

United Kingdom law enforcement charged actor Kevin Spacey with four counts of sexual assault. He’ll stand trial once he completes training to learn a British accent.

Nancy Brophy, a romance novelist who authored ‘How To Murder Your Husband‘, was convicted of murdering her husband. Brophy awaits sentencing while writing her follow-up, ‘How To Successfully Appeal A Conviction For Murdering Your Husband’.

Baz Luhrmann’s biopic ‘Elvis‘ premiered at the Cannes film festival to mostly favorable reviews, with some critics saying it could use a little less conversation and a little more action.

Kim Kardashian apologized to her family for years of ex-husband Kanye West’s verbal attacks on them, saying she wished she’d done so earlier, but that many of the incidents happened between their E! show and their Hulu show.

Experts claim the current outbreak of monkeypox happened because warning signs – including a large outbreak in Nigeria in 2017 – were ignored. Doctors also ignored other warning signs, but were too arrogant to take the advice of monkeys.

A woman is suing Celebrity Cruises, saying the blood transfusion she received while on board was infected with HIV. Celebrity has yet to respond to the allegations, but announced they were shutting down the Blood Buffet on all ships.

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