Thursday Jokes: June 16th

Camden, New Jersey started a summer program encouraging food trucks to operate in the city, providing opportunities for locals who have never carjacked a food truck.

Britney Spears fired her security team after her first husband Jason Alexander crashed her wedding venue without permission. They all applied for jobs with her second husband Kevin Federline, but he told them he’s out of work too.

A man impersonating Golden State Warriors forward Klay Thompson made it past security and stayed on the team’s court for ten minutes before leaving. He managed to convince everyone he was Thompson by not practicing defensive drills.

Georgia GOP Senate candidate and former NFL star Herschel Walker, who publicly criticizes black absentee fathers, admitted he has a child he never sees. Donald Trump, who endorsed Walker, said he’s glad Herschel has his own Tiffany.

Jackass‘ alum Bam Margera reportedly fled his court-appointed rehab because he wasn’t getting celebrity treatment as he had in other rehab stints. And by ‘celebrity treatment’ he meant ‘cocaine’.

Dog the Bounty Hunter’s daughter Lyssa Chapman married partner Leiana Evensen. Said the officiant, “I now pronounce you bitch and bitch….you may now sniff each other’s butts”.

A Montgomery County, PA man was arrested for selling THC-laced snacks like Rice Krispies treats and Oreo brownies on a playground. Police were tipped off by middle school customers angry that they had to wait in line behind their parents.

Kim Kardashian joked with Pete Davidson, telling him the video technician she’s worked with for 14 years “has probably seen my vagina” — forgetting that across all websites, her vagina has had roughly 100 million unique visitors.

The Federal Reserve raised its prime interest rate 0.75% in an effort to curb rampant inflation. The move puts a real squeeze on millennials and Gen Z, potentially increasing student loan payments they have no intention of making anyway.

Amazon announced their annual Prime Day sale will be held July 12th & 13th, with Prime member purchases arriving via free, expedited two-day shipping on July 30th & 31st.

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