Thursday Jokes: July 21st

The NBA’s Philadelphia 76ers announced a plan to build a privately funded arena in downtown Philadelphia. Philly Police don’t know if the city is ready for another 80 or so shots on game nights.

Ivana Trump was buried yesterday, following a closed-casket funeral that featured Donald Trump opening the casket to make sure she didn’t still have anything of his.

Kylie Jenner is being dragged on social media as a ‘climate criminal’ for taking rides on her private jet as short as three minutes. She defended her actions, saying some days her 12 cars won’t start.

The NFL’s New York Giants announced two ‘Legacy Games’ where they’ll wear their throwback uniforms from the Super Bowl Championship era of the 80s & 90s. Unfortunately for fans, they’ll still play like it’s 2022.

The prosecution rested its case in Steve Bannon’s contempt of Congress trial after just two days, two witnesses, and zero showers, shaves or shampoos for the defendant.

Police in Pennsylvania were called to a home where a man was in cardiac arrest while being strangled by a 15-foot snake. An officer killed the snake by shooting it in the head, then was placed on administrative leave because the snake was unarmed.

An An, the world’s oldest male panda in captivity died at age 35 in Hong Kong. He lived in a theme park zoo along with male Ye Ye and female Ling Ling, who say they’ll miss the threesomes.

A redhead spotted with Johnny Depp during an appearance in Italy was confirmed not to be a girlfriend, but as a French teacher working on his new movie, ‘Jeanne du Barry‘. The reports were confirmed when she & Depp were spotted Frenching in a limousine.

Police in Utah released video of an incident where a 4-year-old fired a single shot at them following an altercation involving the child’s father at a McDonald’s drive-thru. The restaurant manager said his Utah location had mistakenly received Happy Meal toys intended for Texas.

Amazon is expanding into healthcare with the acquisition of primary care company One Health. Analysts expected the news when they saw red-hot Prime Day deals on pacemakers and replacement joints.

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