Wednesday Jokes: November 16th

A group of Wyoming men tied the hair of their beards together in a bar and set a new world record for Longest Beard Chain. Their record was verified by several head lice who walked the full 150-foot length of the chain.

Former Playboy model Kelsey Turner plead guilty to murdering her 71-year-old psychiatrist. The presiding judge said he reviewed her statement to police, but mostly just looked at her pictures.

Amazon announced a new virtual healthcare service for allergies, acne and hair loss. They’ll treat thousands who developed severe acne and lost their hair over the stress of their Amazon warehouse jobs.

Consumer Reports claims electric vehicles are now less reliable as more manufacturers enter the category and introduce new technology. Their claim is disputed by the CEO of Yugo Electric.

Actress Hilarie Burton called Candace Cameron Bure a ‘bigot’ over Cameron Bure’s statement that her Great American Country Christmas movies will only feature heterosexual romance. Burton and Cameron Bure then returned to their respective mountain hometowns to help save independent candy stores from foreclosure.

Dave Chappelle reportedly tricked Saturday Night Live by doing a different monologue in dress rehearsal than one he performed on the live show. Producers say they weren’t fooled because the dress rehearsal routine lasted 2 1/2 hours.

Elon Musk emailed Twitter employees saying they needed to do “extremely hardcore” work or “get out”. The news worried employees hoping for work/life balance, but motivated female employees with Only Fans accounts.

Disney World increased ticket prices for the second time in a year. In a related move, free passes for Make-A-Wish families will be restricted to patients who almost definitely aren’t going to make it.

A bus full of migrants sent from Texas by Governor Greg Abbott arrived in Philadelphia. After several minutes in the city, nearly all of them called for 76ers Coach Doc Rivers to resign.

Newly-single Gisele Bundchen claims Joaquim Valente, a jiu jitsu instructor, is joining her in Costa Rica because he’s training the whole family. Though Bundchen’s kids admit Joaquin is spending a lot of time teaching Mom the full-mount jiu jitsu position.

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