Thursday Jokes: December 8th

WNBA star Britney Griner was released from a Russian detention camp and will return to the U.S. in a prisoner swap for a convicted Russian arms dealer, after the Russians repeatedly refused the U.S.’ offer of Ben Simmons.

The Taliban staged their first public execution since retaking control of their country – angering citizens who had tuned in expecting to see the latest installment of Afghanistan’s Got Talent.

A Florida man was arrested for having sex with a dog, and wrecking a nearby church nativity display. Other neighborhood dogs were warned to be on the lookout for Manger Danger.

Singer Celine Dion cancelled concerts, saying she’s been diagnosed with a neurological condition called ‘stiff person syndrome’. Motley Crue drummer Tommy Lee said it never stopped him.

Google will combine the personnel of their two navigation apps, Google Maps and Waze, resulting in dozens of employees receiving directions to the nearest unemployment office.

The FBI criticized Apple’s move to implement end-to-end encryption on user data stored via iCloud, so that only authorized devices can decrypt it. They cited as evidence the Oath Keepers decision to switch executive Christmas gifts from AR-15s to iPhone 14s.

Nantucket legalized topless beaches for all genders, meaning more male beachgoers can potentially qualify to be that guy in the limerick.

Elon Musk criticized the City of San Francisco for investigating Twitter offices after he installed beds for “tired workers”. The city just wants to make sure nobody is having sex in Office SpaceXXX.

Actress Christina Applegate revealed how she was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis, saying it “sucked balls”. Her doctor was quick to point out that’s not really how you get MS.

A puppy survived after swimming across the Hudson River from New York until it was rescued under a New Jersey pier. Although the puppy admitted it didn’t exactly swim the whole way, it was able to walk on floating bodies for long stretches of the trip.

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