WNBA star Britney Griner was released from a Russian detention camp and will return to the U.S. in a prisoner swap for a convicted Russian arms dealer, after the Russians repeatedly refused the U.S.’ offer of Ben Simmons.

The Taliban staged their first public execution since retaking control of their country – angering citizens who had tuned in expecting to see the latest installment of Afghanistan’s Got Talent.

A Florida man was arrested for having sex with a dog, and wrecking a nearby church nativity display. Other neighborhood dogs were warned to be on the lookout for Manger Danger.

Singer Celine Dion cancelled concerts, saying she’s been diagnosed with a neurological condition called ‘stiff person syndrome’. Motley Crue drummer Tommy Lee said it never stopped him.

Google will combine the personnel of their two navigation apps, Google Maps and Waze, resulting in dozens of employees receiving directions to the nearest unemployment office.

The FBI criticized Apple’s move to implement end-to-end encryption on user data stored via iCloud, so that only authorized devices can decrypt it. They cited as evidence the Oath Keepers decision to switch executive Christmas gifts from AR-15s to iPhone 14s.

Nantucket legalized topless beaches for all genders, meaning more male beachgoers can potentially qualify to be that guy in the limerick.

Elon Musk criticized the City of San Francisco for investigating Twitter offices after he installed beds for “tired workers”. The city just wants to make sure nobody is having sex in Office SpaceXXX.

Actress Christina Applegate revealed how she was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis, saying it “sucked balls”. Her doctor was quick to point out that’s not really how you get MS.

A puppy survived after swimming across the Hudson River from New York until it was rescued under a New Jersey pier. Although the puppy admitted it didn’t exactly swim the whole way, it was able to walk on floating bodies for long stretches of the trip.

Police rescued an elderly woman who’d been held captive by an intruder; her daughter thought she was in trouble because she hadn’t shared her Wordle results for the day. Other home invaders are now asking victims to finish & share their puzzles..

A FedEx truck was carjacked in Philadelphia. Cops are hoping to find the suspect based on his tracking number.

Developers plan to create the largest restaurant in Philadelphia on the city’s riverfront. Liberty Point will take up 28,000 square feet, serve 1,400 diners, and getting your food will take around two days.

Watchers of the Beijing Winter Olympics are comparing the location of the alpine ski jump – next to an unused steel mill – to a ‘graveyard’. The gold medalist successfully jumped over 100 meters, as measured by the bodies of dead Chinese democracy protesters lining the landing area.

Snoop Dogg was sued for alleged sexual assault. He’ll still perform in the Super Bowl halftime show because the NFL said if sex criminals can play in the games, they might as well rap at halftime too.

The NBA’s Philadelphia 76ers traded disgruntled guard Ben Simmons to the Brooklyn Nets for their star guard James Harden. 76ers fans can’t wait for Harden to arrive, then blame him for another playoff failure in a couple of months.

Green Bay Packers QB Aaron Rodgers won his 4th NFL MVP Award but is getting the silent treatment from Joe Rogan, who he failed to thank in his acceptance speech.

Harvard and Emory University scientists created biohybrid fish in a lab using human cardiac cells. The fish swims by muscle contractions like a human heartbeat, but sadly it died of a heart attack, because they used cardiac cells from a fat guy in Mississippi.

New NASA photos reveal the dark side of Venus – you have to be over 18 to see them.

Researchers discovered the first evidence of respiratory illness in a 150 million-year-old dinosaur – the world’s largest rescue inhaler.

Facebook is reportedly changing its name to emphasize its focus on the metaverse. Also, Donald Trump is already banned from the metaverse.

Disgruntled Philadelphia 76ers player Ben Simmons was suspended from the team for refusing to participate in a defensive drill – shocking NBA fans who couldn’t believe teams actually do defensive drills.

Actress Ruby Rose, former star of Batwoman on The CW, used Instagram Stories to criticize producers of the show for running an unsafe set rife with injuries and sexual harassment. “Why didn’t you just call me?” asked Batman.

Queen Elizabeth II “reluctantly” accepted her doctor’s advice to rest, and cancelled a trip to Northern Ireland. Instead, Buckingham Palace is where she defends her 2020 Guinness-Chugging Contest title.

William Davis, a registered nurse in Texas, was convicted of killing four patients by injecting them with air – from his butt.

A Grateful Dead tour t-shirt from 1967 sold at a Sotheby’s auction for a record $17.640. The winner then washed the weed stench out of it and it resold for $50,000.

An Israeli scuba diver discovered a Crusader sword off the country’s Mediterranean coast estimated to be 900 years old. He surrendered it to the government, and now has to come up with a different Halloween costume idea.

Hawai’i will reopen to vacationers and other non-essential travelers on November 1st, but many people getting off the plane are wary of the newly-imposed Lei Mandate.

Dr. Dre is reportedly furious with estranged wife Nicole after being served with divorce papers as he attended his grandmother’s funeral. The papers had to be dried off since Dre dropped them while pouring out a 40 for Grandma.

Rapper L’il Yachty is a first-time father to a baby girl, Dinghy.