Thursday Jokes: December 29th

Bill Cosby plans to tour in 2023, thanks to new sexual misconduct lawsuits in 23 different states.

Avatar: The Way of Water topped the $300 million mark in U.S. ticket sales. Thanks to moviegoers who couldn’t get into sold-out showings of Avatar, Brad Pitt/Margot Robbie flop Babylon topped $300.

Disney Theme Parks are reminding guests to show courtesy, following recent viral videos of brawls at Disney Parks. In other news, Mickey, Minnie, Cinderella and Snow White all earned their blue belts in jiu jitsu.

An Australian teen was hospitalized after swallowing a bluebottle jellyfish swimming at Bondi Beach. After removing it, doctors read the message in the bluebottle “Do Not Eat”.

A couple who replaced their toilet found the woman’s engagement ring she’d lost 21 years earlier lodged in it. For the last 21 years, she’s wiped with her right hand.

Kim Kardashian deleted a TikTok video of her two dogs after critics pointed out that they’re kept in her garage. However, her garage is 15,000 square feet with 4 bedrooms and 3 bathrooms.

A New York prosecutor is investigating Congressman-elect George Santos for lying about his work history, education, Jewish heritage, personal finances, and being born Gladys Sanders.

Economists say the majority of U.S. workers’ salaries will not keep up with inflation. Asked why, the economists confirmed that most people’s jobs really do suck.

A California woman’s Find My iPhone feature was used to locate her after she drove off a highway and plummeted 200 feet. She survived and was taken to a hospital, but unfortunately she didn’t kill all the pigs in the Angry Birds level she was playing before the accident.

Duane Hansen broke the world record by riding 37.5 miles down the Missouri River in a hollowed-out pumpkin. Once he paddled ashore, he emptied the vessel of river water and pumpkin pee.

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