Rioters stormed the Capitol Building in DC following a Trump rally and occupied the House and Senate chambers. The rioters then introduced and unanimously passed a bill issuing $2,000 stimulus checks.

The rioters are believed to have caused thousands of dollars in damage to government buildings after overwhelming Capitol Police. However, nearby Dunkin Donuts and Starbucks locations were successfully protected.

Donald Trump was temporarily banned from Twitter and Facebook for inciting violence via a video reiterating his false claim that he won the election. He spent the night answering friend requests to his My Space page.

Four rioters died during the melee. One woman was shot, and three others couldn’t handle the flight of Capitol steps.

Trump’s erratic behavior led to a small wave of staff resignations, including that of the White House Social Director. President-Elect Joe Biden promised to appoint both a new Social Director, and a new Easter Bunny in time for the White House Egg Roll.

Senior cabinet officials are reportedly talking about removing Trump from office by invoking the 25th Amendment. Others would rather make it quick and invoke the 2nd Amendment.

Biden’s victory was certified by a joint session of Congress shortly after 3a.m., as Representatives & Senators reconvened around 9p.m. They then gave themselves a standing ovation for completing a year’s worth of work in one night.

Burger King introduced a new brand identity, including a new logo and new employee uniforms. The uniforms are designed to make it less obvious that employees work at Burger King, and avoid their being made fun of on their way to & from work.

McDonald’s is piloting a new loyalty program, MyMcDonald’s, which rewards purchases and lets you track increases in your points, weight and blood pressure.

Clemson University quarterback Trevor Lawrence offically declared for the NFL Draft. He’s expected to be selected first overall by the Jacksonville Jaguars. Lawrence says he’s excited for Jaguars games because he’s never been to London, England.