The Savannah Morning News published a photo of what’s been described as a “Loch Ness Monster type creature” lying on a Georgia beach. The next day, the creature was spotted at J.C. Penney saying the swimsuit didn’t work out.

The father of a teen boy with Down Syndrome is suing the Boy Scouts for stripping his son of merit badges and cancelling his Eagle Scout project. On the bright side, his friends think he’s a lot cooler now.

A peer-reviewed medical study concluded that Apple Watch can accurately detect abnormal heart rhythms – leading researchers to predict you’ll be hearing a lot more of “hey, I think that douchebag with the Apple Watch might be having a heart attack.”

Starbucks announced that they’ve achieved gender pay equity in the United States, right after they gave Jean’s paycheck to Gene and no one got pissed off.

A male birth control pill may be on the horizon. A preliminary study of 83 men ages 18 to 50 appears to confirm the pill’s efficacy, achieved by lowering testosterone, and by actually being Ambien.

Arthur Jones, a Holocaust denier and head of his own ‘America First Committee’, is the Republican nominee for Illinois’ 3rd District in the House of Representatives. Illinois’ Republican Party Chairman said that they won’t endorse Jones – at least until they know where he stands on universal health care.

In other Illinois political news, Democratic challenger for U.S. House 5th District Benjamin Wolf  lost his race to incumbent Mike Quigley. Wolf placed an ad on Pornhub showing him smoking pot. Following the results, he phoned Quigley to say “whatever dude” then hung up to watch a gangbang.

Two women entrepreneurs are launching CherryPicks, a film review site that will only publish content from female critics. Filmmakers aren’t worried about gender bias, since most of the women won’t even go watch the movies unless the right friend asks them to.

A 6-year-old Oregon girl digging in the dirt at her sister’s soccer game unearthed a 65-million-year-old fossil, but considered the day a bust since her cheap parents didn’t stop after the game for ice cream.