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Researchers created a male birth control pill that stops sperm from swimming for an hour after being taken – or, about 20 times more effective than it has to be.

Kia & Hyundai dealers are offering free software updates for over a million cars to repair a vulnerability where they can be started using a USB port. Thieves who intended to steal updated cars while parked will be offered free carjacking lessons.

The operator of a basketball free-throw game on the Jersey Shore boardwalk was banned 10 years for rigging the games by overinflating the balls. Additionally they were fined 20,000 stuffed animals.

As inflation drives the national average price of a dozen Grade A large eggs to $4.79, a Walmart deal offering 18 eggs for $2 went viral. Walmart verified that the deal is genuine, and even offered journalists a tour of the seagull hatchery.

A new study links sleeping pill use with an increased risk of dementia. Or maybe it was a different pill, the study participants aren’t really sure.

John Travolta vowed never to be with another woman following the death of wife Kelly Preston – which pretty much confirms all the rumors.

Florida wildlife researchers tracked and killed an invasive Burmese python, a 66-pound female carrying 100 eggs. The researchers were then arrested for violating the state’s abortion laws.

Legendary actress and sex symbol Raquel Welch passed away at age 82. She will be laid to rest in a specially-designed 36DD casket.

Kendall Jenner was accused of Photoshopping her latest bikini photos because of the unusual appearance of her hands. Jenner denied the claims, saying she doesn’t know how to use a computer or smartphone.

Former NFL head coach and ESPN Sunday NFL Countdown panelist Rex Ryan is a candidate for the Denver Broncos defensive coordinator job. He reportedly interviewed with Broncos head coach Sean Payton, until Payton begged him to shut up.

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The Savannah Morning News published a photo of what’s been described as a “Loch Ness Monster type creature” lying on a Georgia beach. The next day, the creature was spotted at J.C. Penney saying the swimsuit didn’t work out.

The father of a teen boy with Down Syndrome is suing the Boy Scouts for stripping his son of merit badges and cancelling his Eagle Scout project. On the bright side, his friends think he’s a lot cooler now.

A peer-reviewed medical study concluded that Apple Watch can accurately detect abnormal heart rhythms – leading researchers to predict you’ll be hearing a lot more of “hey, I think that douchebag with the Apple Watch might be having a heart attack.”

Starbucks announced that they’ve achieved gender pay equity in the United States, right after they gave Jean’s paycheck to Gene and no one got pissed off.

A male birth control pill may be on the horizon. A preliminary study of 83 men ages 18 to 50 appears to confirm the pill’s efficacy, achieved by lowering testosterone, and by actually being Ambien.

Arthur Jones, a Holocaust denier and head of his own ‘America First Committee’, is the Republican nominee for Illinois’ 3rd District in the House of Representatives. Illinois’ Republican Party Chairman said that they won’t endorse Jones – at least until they know where he stands on universal health care.

In other Illinois political news, Democratic challenger for U.S. House 5th District Benjamin Wolf  lost his race to incumbent Mike Quigley. Wolf placed an ad on Pornhub showing him smoking pot. Following the results, he phoned Quigley to say “whatever dude” then hung up to watch a gangbang.

Two women entrepreneurs are launching CherryPicks, a film review site that will only publish content from female critics. Filmmakers aren’t worried about gender bias, since most of the women won’t even go watch the movies unless the right friend asks them to.

A 6-year-old Oregon girl digging in the dirt at her sister’s soccer game unearthed a 65-million-year-old fossil, but considered the day a bust since her cheap parents didn’t stop after the game for ice cream.