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AURA robot

Thursday’s Crummy Jokes. Robot Butler. Young Thug Party. Apple Digs Deep

By cmdolan99 | August 17, 2017

The Millennium M Social Hotel in Singapore introduced AURA, the first-of-its-kind room service robot. It can operate an elevator, deliver towels, food & bottled water, and deny stealing your wallet off of the vanity.

Rapper Young Thug threw himself a huge birthday party at an Atlanta club, and used the occasion to give his mother a gift of $50,000 cash. At the end of the evening, she still had $49,500 after paying the face painter and balloon animal guy.

Apple CEO Tim Cook emailed employees to say that he disagrees with President Trump’s statements in the wake of Charlottesville violence. Apple will donate $2 million to anti-hate groups, or roughly five seconds’ worth of Apple revenue.

Trump criticized Amazon, saying in a tweet that Amazon is damaging fellow retailers and towns are hurting because of lost tax revenue. Also, the Daily Stormer t-shirt he ordered via Prime took four days to arrive instead of two.

Larry King said of his longtime friend “this is not the Donald Trump I knew.” Although at 83, it’s not clear just who or what Larry King still knows.

Trump tweeted that he was ending his Manufacturing Council and Strategy & Policy Forum, though reports circulated that all of the execs on them had voted to leave and disband them. “You’re fired!” said Trump. “Too late! We already quit!” said CEOs.

Public outcry to remove statues of Confederate figures continues. Tampa Bay’s NFL Buccaneers, NHL Lightning and MLB Rays have offered to pay for removal of a Confederate statue in front of Tampa City Hall. Local residents were surprised to learn the city has a professional baseball team.

The St Louis Cardinals famous “Rally Cat” is now staying at St Louis Feral Cat Outreach while it receives medical attention and gains weight. The team has said it wants to adopt the cat, but the Outreach is saying Rally Cat will go to the best possible home. The cat seeks a 15-year deal worth $75 million and a no-trade clause.

Broadway smash ‘Hamilton!’ celebrated its opening in Los Angeles, although the crowd arrived after the opening song & dance, and left before Aaron Burr shot him to beat traffic.

The Conor McGregor/Floyd Mayweather fight is expected to drive $600 million in pay-per-view sales, second only to Mayweather/Pacquiao. Mayweather, a domestic batterer, will have driven over $1 Billion in sales fighting homophobe Pacquiao and racist McGregor — putting the ‘gross’ in gross revenue.

Boston Red Sox superfan and cancer survivor Jordan Leandre threw a ceremonial first pitch that sailed over the catcher and hit a photographer in the groin. Leandre signed with the Dodgers and will throw baseballs at Hollywood paparazzi on off days.

Posted in Comedy, Monologue jokes and tagged as Amazon, Apple, AURA robot, Boston Red Sox, Confederate statues, Conor McGregor, Floyd Mayweather, Hamilton, Hollywood, Larry King, Los Angeles Dodgers, M Social Hotel, Manny Pacquiao, Manufacturers Council, paparazzi, President Trump, Rally cat, Singapore, St Louis Cardinals, St Louis Feral Cat Outreach, Strategy & Policy Forum, Tampa Bay, Tim Cook, Trump, Young Thug. Leave a comment

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