A new Bankrate study states 9 million people are hiding credit cards, savings or bank accounts from their live-in partner. Surprisingly, 31% of respondents say they consider “financial cheating” worse than “physical cheating.” Not surprisingly, the men who admitted using a joint checking account to have sex with a hooker did not get congratulated for it.

Item-tracking company Tile laid off 30 employees; and the Tiles attached to their laptops and other office supplies were traced to employee toilets.

A Norwegian Airlines jet broke the record for fastest transatlantic flight in a subsonic aircraft, going from New York to London in just 5 hours, 13 minutes – a 30-minute improvement off the old record. The jet’s speed was boosted by an especially powerful jet stream, and the pilot’s decision to have Indian food for lunch.

Just in time for Valentine’s Day, Las Vegas McCarran Airport is adding a pop-up marriage license bureau, where lovers looking to tie the knot can buy their license for $77. Visitors are asked to complete a pre-application, or to just skip it altogether, spend the money on blackjack and have one less thing to regret.

The dog flu is spreading across the U.S. for the first time in years; animal experts say few dogs are immunized, largely because the dogs run when they hear the word ‘vet’.

Former porn star and alleged Donald Trump mistress Stormy Daniels kicked off her “Make America Horny Again” tour at a strip club in South Carolina. Official tour t-shirts are available for $25 dry, or $30 wet.

New Jersey’s first lady told the crowd at a Women’s March that she was sexually assaulted, her speech was followed by a speech from former Governor Chris Christie’s last lunch entree, which was assaulted, but not necessarily sexually.

Great Britain’s Princess Eugenie of York is engaged to Jack Brooksbank – the soon-to-be “Eugenie Brooksbank” will receive the British Crown’s Award for Most Britishest Sounding Name Ever.

Twitter’s Chief Operating Officer resigned, hashtag #TrumpIsYourProblemNow.

Rum maker Bacardi is buying tequila maker Patron for $5 billion; $4 billion in tangible assets, and $1 billion in goodwill from douchebags and drunk chicks.