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Boston & Tel Aviv-based startup company ClimaCell is using new, crowdsourced data collection methods to improve local weather forecasts. However, they will still need the more-accurate local weather to be communicated by women with huge breasts.

A dead whale washed ashore in the Philippines with almost 100 pounds of plastic in its stomach – or, put a different way, the wetsuits of four different scuba divers it ate.

President Trump tweeted that he thinks Saturday Night Live is colluding with the Democrats and Russia after watching a rerun featuring a skit making fun of him. SNL returns with a live episode hosted by Joe Biden with musical guest Pussy Riot.

Reality TV star Mama June Shannon – mother of Honey Boo Boo – was arrested at an Alabama gas station while allegedly possessing crack cocaine. Shannon, who lost over 100 pounds after gastric sleeve surgery, was carrying a lot less crack than she used to.

A new startup called Basement is creating a social media app where your network is  limited to 20 of your closest friends, or the 20 people you’d most like to have send you their naked selfies.

Amy Schumer revealed that her husband Chris Fischer is on the autism spectrum. She made the discovery when he told her that he had to watch The Leather Special an even number of times.

Longtime Democratic Party strategist Donna Brazile joined Fox News as a contributor, where she’s expected to never be seen or heard from again.

A study in journal Frontiers in Microbiology found that the longer astronauts stay in space, the more likely viruses like chickenpox, shingles & herpes will reactivate. The reason may be increased levels of stress and red-hot unprotected space sex.

A petrochemical fire near Houston continued for a third day, covering the city in thick smoke and a putrid stench. To learn how to cope with the disgusting conditions, Houston has called in a team of people living in Newark, New Jersey.

A British politician is urging McDonald’s in the United Kingdom to end its Monopoly promotion, claiming it manipulates people into eating more fast food. Tom Watson, Deputy leader of the Labour Party, was elected with the slogan “I get how things work.”

 

 

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Google’s Chrome web browser released an update to block ads deemed most annoying by a coalition of internet users.  Porn sites immediately complained of difficulty notifying the winners of free iPads and $500 gift cards.

A new experimental treatment completely reversed Alzheimer’s Disease in mice by reducing levels of a single enzyme in the animals’ brains. “Now I remember where the cheese is!” said a cured mouse before running to his death in a baited trap.

Amy Schumer and new boyfriend, award-winning chef Chris Fischer, married on Tuesday in Malibu, California. The couple have only dated three months, but Schumer knew he was ‘the one’ once he made it through 25 minutes of The Leather Special. 

The White House said that President Trump is planning a visit to the site of the latest deadly school shooting. Not because children died from gun violence, he was just headed to Florida, anyway.

  • The President will meet with families at a $1,000-a-Condolence dinner at Mar-A-Lago.

Mitt Romney announced that he’s running for a Senate seat in Utah. Romney, a Mormon, is the consensus nominee for the Shoo-In Party.

Actor Alexander Polinsky joined his costar Nicole Eggert in leveling charges of on-set abuse against Scott Baio, leading investigators to question if Charles was in charge, who was in charge of Charles?

A woman who didn’t want to let go of her purse knelt on all fours and followed it through a pre-boarding x-ray machine at a train station in China. She was jailed for exceeding the 3 ounce limit with a bottle of hand lotion.

Charles Barkley admitted in an interview with Jimmy Kimmel that he played a game “blasted” drunk after day-drinking to celebrate a trade from the Philadelphia 76ers to the L.A. Lakers that fell through. Although, at the time, people could tell Barkley was disoriented because he can be seen in game footage trying to play defense.

Disney announced that Toy Story Land, the new themed addition to Disney’s Hollywood Studios Orlando, will open on June 30. Parents are disappointed that there won’t be a bar where they could go to catch a Buzz and get a Woody.

The White House dismissed a New Yorker article exposing Donald Trump’s “system” for concealing infidelity as fake news. “Why would he cheat with Karen McDougal when he already had a woman with brown hair?” said a spokesperson.