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The FBI raided Donald Trump’s Mar-a-Lago estate searching for classified documents. No word on what they took, but so far the biggest revelation is agents walked in on Pete Davidson banging Melania.

Toyota is offering to buy back its BZ4X electric SUV because the wheels can fall off. It’s the first known case of defective truck nuts.

Serena Williams announced she’s “evolving away from tennis” after the U.S. Open – leading to sighs of relief from line judges who can now call foot faults without being threatened with a ball being rammed down their throat.

North Korea is destroying properties at the Mount Kumgang resort area bordering South Korea. It’s hard to believe, but Trip Advisor reviews for North Korea vacations are getting even worse.

A Texas church was issued a cease-and-desist order for staging an unauthorized production of ‘Hamilton’, with lyrics changed to Bible references, and a sermon comparing homosexuality to drug addiction. After rewrites, the church plans to premiere ‘Jesus Hamilton Superstar’.

Ezra Miller, star of upcoming DC Films movie ‘The Flash’, was arrested on felony burglary charges in Vermont. An emergency meeting will be held to discuss Flash’s removal as an honorary member of the Super Friends.

Tom Cruise will reportedly star in an upcoming song-and-dance musical, working title Mission Im-Paso Doble.

China has identified a new, potentially lethal, virus within its borders, the Langya Henipavirus. To distinguish it from influenza and coronavirus, they’re simply calling it the Number 3.

Singer & actress Olivia Newton John passed away following a lenghty battle with cancer. Flags were lowered to half-staff in her native Australia, and at Rydell High.

An Ohio-based team set the world record for Fastest Monster Truck when their Jeep Gladiator topped out at 101.84mph, before running out of gas after 1/10th of a mile.

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Tinder’s first female CEO was fired after less than a year on the job. Male shareholders complained she looked nothing like her profile picture.

Albany, NY news anchor Heather Kovar, who was suspended for slurred, rambling speech during a live broadcast, confirmed she has left her job. She thanked all the great people at Eyewishes Noosh.

Some craft breweries are shutting down because of a national carbon dioxide shortage. Others are shutting down because brewers are trying carbon monoxide instead and dying.

The NFL is appealing Deshaun Watson’s six game suspension. They’re asking to make it longer, which, coincidentally, is what Watson is accused of doing with massage therapists.

A boat on Disney World’s ‘It’s A Small World’ attraction sank, leaving guests stranded for an hour. Some waited to be rescued, others chose to drown so they didn’t have to hear the song anymore.

Walmart announced layoffs of corporate employees in their e-commerce and health & wellness divisions, saying their customers don’t know what those things are anyway.

Georgia residents can now claim unborn children as dependents when filing taxes. Single women are asking boyfriends for tax returns to see how many dependents they created with other women.

A New York Times article assessing Kansas’ rejection of an abortion ban asserts that 4 out of 5 states would vote similarly to protect abortion rights. The 5th state is Mississippi, whose voters would first need education about where babies come from.

Batgirl star Leslie Grace spoke out for the first time since DC/Warner Brothers cancelled the release of the film to HBO Max. She said things were going well, then POW! … ZAP! .. SPLAT!… they weren’t.

A Florida man & woman were arrested for filming sex acts with a dog. Police would not disclose the nature of the acts, but the woman is receiving treatment for a Pupperoni infection.