New Zealand will tax agricultural emissions – generated from the dung, urine & burps of cows and sheep – in an effort to curb climate change. Although hiring employees to measure the gas is difficult given the likelihood of comas and death from asphyxiation.

Brett Favre said he’s being “unjustly smeared” for his role redirecting Mississippi welfare funds to a sports facility at Mississippi State University. Favre said he knows a thing or two about unjust smears, having given them with his junk to NFL team massage therapists.

A jury found Infowars’ Alex Jones must pay nearly $1 billion in damages to families of Sandy Hook shooting victims. Jones’ bank accounts are expected to go from a ‘deep state’ to empty.

Two Florida men in separate cars were charged with shooting each other’s daughters during a road rage incident. It’s unclear which car got the good parking spot at Chuck E. Cheese.

Khloe Kardashian told fans she had surgery to remove a small cancerous tumor from her cheek. Since it was her ninth facial procedure, she’ll get the 10th one free.

A Texas family of five was sentenced for storming the Capitol together in the January 6th riots. In other news, Fox News has ordered a sitcom reboot of ‘Party Of Five’.

A Mar a Lago employee told the FBI that Donald Trump ordered him to move boxes from a storage room to his on-site residence. The boxes are alleged to contain classified documents, and a month’s worth of McDonald’s Monopoly game pieces.

Social Security payments will incorporate an 8.7% cost-of-living increase in 2023, the highest such increase in 40 years. Manufacturers of wheelchairs and mobility scooters report a surge in demand for custom rims.

Minnesota resident Travis Gienger’s 2,560 pound pumpkin won the World Championship Pumpkin Weigh-Off in Half Moon Bay, Calif. Gienger returned with his prize to his Minnesota home, where 40 punks smashed it in his driveway overnight.

A dromedary camel was walked by his handler in the drive-thru of an In-N-Out burger restaurant in Las Vegas because the camel loves the french fries. However, it left disappointed because they wouldn’t accept payment from the camel’s American Express card.