An Australian woman discovered a giant earthworm above ground after torrential rains. The worm measured two feet, until she handed it to her husband and it shrank to three inches.

The American Chemical Society released results of tests on lab mice to determine how much Halloween candy kids would have to eat before they died. Lethal levels were 500 gummy worms, 400 fun-size candy bars or 2200 pieces of candy corn. The saddest part of the study was disposing of dozens of dead mice in Wonder Woman and Iron Man costumes.

Samsung released a version of its Galaxy Note 8 in blue. The case is still black, but if you look at the tip of the flames you can see blue.

A New England doctor used Butterfly IQ – an ultrasound that pairs with an iPhone app – to detect his own cancer. The cancerous mass was blocking part of his neck, and also blocking the birds from completely destroying the pigs’ elaborate towers.

A Discover survey asked 1,000 Americans what would make them feel like they really “made it”, and 53% said having a housekeeper. Separately, 53% of housekeepers feel they’ve really made it once they pawned the jewelry they swiped from successful clients.

President Trump declared the opioid crisis a Public Health Emergency, and said the government would produce “really tough, really great advertising” to prevent people from starting opioids. The Senate floor was closed off as filming began on the first ad, starring Mitch McConnell as a gold-chain & backward-hat wearing drug lord.

• Melania Trump pledged her personal involvement in the war on opioids, striking fear into the hearts of OxyContin and Fentanyl dealers operating out of Bergdorf Goodman dressing rooms.

President Trump’s Happy Birthday message on Twitter – intended for singer Lee Greenwood – was tagged with the wrong Lee Greenwood, a Washington D.C. lawyer. The lawyer gladly stood up and defended the bill for $100 he sent to Trump for the time he took to read the tweet.

Simon Cowell was rushed to the hospital after falling down the stairs of his London home. Celebrities and former American Idol contestants sent flowers to the house, hoping that the stairs were okay.

A Rolex watch once owned by the late Paul Newman sold at auction for $17.8 million, a record for watches. The anonymous purchaser is said to have expressed remorse when he realized there isn’t a step counter on it.

President Trump released the first batch of confidential government records surrounding the JFK Assassination. Among the early revelations: “boxers”.