A new study finds extreme temperatures fuel online hate speech, in a phenomenon scientists call Hot Racist Girl Summer.

Middle school boys in Rhode Island created a ‘pedo database’ of their male teacher’s interactions with girls, including calling them ‘sweetheart’ and making them dance for him. The teacher is currently suspended, and girls angrily wait to see which of them won the dance-off.

Alabama may use nitrogen hypoxia – a form of asphyxiation – for executions in death sentences. Right now the only holdup is finding an Alabama judge to issue the death warrant who can spell ‘hypoxia’.

A Canadian family is taking a world tour with their four children before they lose their vision to retinitis pigmentosa. They’ll still take vacations years from now, which they call sight-notseeing tours.

A 22-year-old man was arrested for heckling Prince Andrew during the procession of Queen Elizabeth’s coffin in Scotland. The man thought Prince Andrew would prefer chasing after the box of a much younger woman.

The Department of Justice seized the cell phones of Donald Trump associates implicated in the January 6th riots and efforts to overturn the 2020 election. The men who lost the phones asked for the appointment of a Special Master to delete all of the dick pics.

An Australian man was killed by a kangaroo – the first documented kangaroo fatality since 1936. Investigators say the kangaroo was a licensed gun owner.

Senator Lindsey Graham plans to introduce legislation for a nationwide abortion ban, saying pregnant women have never really been his thing, anyway.

Ray J said Kris Jenner is lying, and that she watched the sex tapes he made with Kim Kardashian. Not only that, but Kris can be heard yelling ‘Action’ and ‘Cut’ on them.

A family in suburban Philadelphia claims their mailbox has been blown up three times in eight days. They plan to stop ordering vegan meal kits from Hello Fresh.

After a months-long investigation, a woman and her father were arrested for dumping popcorn and the empty bucket on a 2-year-old for talking during a screening of The Last Jedi. The child allegedly suffered a contusion, the accused were charged with excessive use of Force.

Walmart is entering the meal-kit business to take on the likes of Blue Apron and Hello Fresh.  Walmart will offer three different kits – each includes a bag of Doritos, a pair of scissors and a Redbox coupon.

A Cleveland mother was arrested after her 8-year-old son shot her 4-year-old daughter. The daughter is listed in stable condition; the 8-year-old hired an NRA lawyer and is expected to invoke the Stand Your Blanket Fort defense.

President Trump’s threats to levy tariffs on imported steel and aluminum was greeted with hostility by European officials, who threatened to tax U.S. exports of bourbon, Levi’s and Harley-Davidson motorcycles. “O non!” said the leader of the world’s least scary French motorcycle gang.

Entrepreneur Kristina Roth is opening SuperShe Island, a private luxury retreat off the coast of Finland where no men are allowed. The catch is that Roth personally selects the guests via the resort’s website. Roth said the number one selection criteria is ‘having an amazing personality’, followed by ‘being a really hot, rich lesbian’.

The Shape of Water won the Oscar for Best Picture. Match.com was down temporarily due to a surge in single women searching for single men with dorsal fins.

Kobe Bryant won an Oscar for producing a short film, as white people congratulated themselves on jokes about his ‘crossover’ into filmmaking.

An e-cigarette study published in the journal Pediatrics found five cancer-causing toxins in the urine of 16-year-olds using e-cigarettes. They also found alcohol and cocaine, so they fired the 17-year-old in charge of the study.

Skiers and snowboarders at Olympic Valley ski resort in California used their hands to rescue others who were covered by snow during a freak avalanche. The rescue would have happened sooner, but there was confusion from the text messages that read “dude I’m totally buried right now.”

University of Michigan defensive tackle prospect Maurice Hurst was sent home from the NFL Combine after doctors found a heart condition. They also found dozens of players with CTE symptoms but let’s….let’s get that heart checked out.