Tuesday Jokes: September 13th

A new study finds extreme temperatures fuel online hate speech, in a phenomenon scientists call Hot Racist Girl Summer.

Middle school boys in Rhode Island created a ‘pedo database’ of their male teacher’s interactions with girls, including calling them ‘sweetheart’ and making them dance for him. The teacher is currently suspended, and girls angrily wait to see which of them won the dance-off.

Alabama may use nitrogen hypoxia – a form of asphyxiation – for executions in death sentences. Right now the only holdup is finding an Alabama judge to issue the death warrant who can spell ‘hypoxia’.

A Canadian family is taking a world tour with their four children before they lose their vision to retinitis pigmentosa. They’ll still take vacations years from now, which they call sight-notseeing tours.

A 22-year-old man was arrested for heckling Prince Andrew during the procession of Queen Elizabeth’s coffin in Scotland. The man thought Prince Andrew would prefer chasing after the box of a much younger woman.

The Department of Justice seized the cell phones of Donald Trump associates implicated in the January 6th riots and efforts to overturn the 2020 election. The men who lost the phones asked for the appointment of a Special Master to delete all of the dick pics.

An Australian man was killed by a kangaroo – the first documented kangaroo fatality since 1936. Investigators say the kangaroo was a licensed gun owner.

Senator Lindsey Graham plans to introduce legislation for a nationwide abortion ban, saying pregnant women have never really been his thing, anyway.

Ray J said Kris Jenner is lying, and that she watched the sex tapes he made with Kim Kardashian. Not only that, but Kris can be heard yelling ‘Action’ and ‘Cut’ on them.

A family in suburban Philadelphia claims their mailbox has been blown up three times in eight days. They plan to stop ordering vegan meal kits from Hello Fresh.

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