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Netflix plans to raise prices again, and is considering a name change to Neflixfinity.

Brittany Coppage, a Missouri high school English teacher was placed on leave after school district officials discovered her performing sex acts on OnlyFans. The school superintendent requested an additional $20/month to continue his investigation.

A Long Island school bus driver was removed after being photographed drinking an alcoholic beverage while driving high school students home. Pending a review, the bus driver has been downgraded to gym teacher.

Representatives Steve Scalise and Jim Jordan are the first candidates emerging to replace Kevin McCarthy as Speaker of the House. Both are prepping for the all-important talent and swimsuit competitions.

A 33-year-old Louisiana teacher accused of giving birth to a 17-year-old student’s baby was arrested and charged with rape. School officials grew suspicious when the teacher held a gender reveal party during social studies.

A drunk New Jersey woman was fired from her job after being caught on video telling German tourists to “get the f**k out of our country” while they rode on a New Jersey Transit train. The Germans – having seen New Jersey – agreed it was a good idea.

NBA star Damian Lillard – recently traded from the Portland TrailBlazers to the Milwaukee Bucks – filed for divorce from wife Kay’La. Kay’La will receive future considerations, and Lillard will receive several playa-lovers to be named later.

Juliana Saggaram, a DoorDash driver, was arrested and charged with stealing packages off of porches while delivering food. She was also cited for a lesser charge of stealing french fries.

A Rikers Island prison guard was charged with cheating New York City out of $170,000 in false overtime pay. He was found out after several other guards said they hadn’t seen him beating up inmates after 5pm in months.

A Pennsylvania mummy known as ‘Stoneman Willie’ since 1895 has been identified and will be given a proper burial. Forensics experts are still working to identify Pennsylvania Werewolf and Pennsylstein.

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Viral video shows an armless man in a motorized wheelchair pointing a gun held with his foot at a jewelry store clerk during a robbery. The perpetrator made off with several Rolex anklewatches.

Bruce Springsteen reportedly sold his music catalog to Sony for $500 million: roughly $499,999,990 for songs prior to 1990, and the rest for everything after.

The NFL Jacksonville Jaguars fired head coach Urban Meyer after less than one year on the job. He’ll be replaced on an interim basis by Rural Meyer.

After two seasons, Disney+ cancelled ‘Diary Of A Future President‘ about a Cuban-American teen girl who grows up to become President of the United States. The creator is sad they didn’t make Season 3, where she teams up with Ivanka Trump to overthrow the government and become President.

Feral hogs have overrun a Southeast Texas county, roaming in packs of dozens and wrecking property in their path. Perhaps worst of all, they’re cutting the lines at the Chick-fil-A drive thrus.

90-Day Fiance star Stephanie Matto claims she’s made $100,000 selling her farts in jars. She claims she ate so many fiber bars to generate flatulence that she almost landed in the hospital – delaying a large shipment to Mar A Lago.

Ben Affleck said he abused alcohol while married to Jennifer Garner because he felt trapped, and that if they were married he’d still be drinking. Affleck said he’d sleep on the couch and drink scotch – 13 ounces, going on 30.

Hilaria Baldwin posted the family’s “perfectly imperfect” Instagram holiday card – calling it that because they only took one shot.

AT&T will comply with the January 6th Committee’s subpeona for phone records of members of Congress. Boost Mobile has yet to respond after Lauren Boebert, Marjorie Taylor-Greene, Jim Jordan & others switched on January 7th.

McDonald’s reclaimed $105 million paid to former CEO Steve Easterbrook as severance, after proving Easterbrook lied about three inappropriate sexual relationships with employees, known only as Red R, Black H, and Purple G.