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CVS is expanding its announced layoffs. However, investors and doctors are both concerned about the new self-service fill-your-own-prescription kiosks.

Donald Trump was reportedly allowed to ‘pre-report’ his 215-pound weight when surrendering to Georgia officials at the Fulton County Jail. He apparently pre-reported it when he was in eighth grade.

The Kremlin vigorously denied claims that Vladimir Putin was behind the jet crash that killed Wagner mercenary boss Yevgeny Prigozhin, saying Putin has no idea how to make a bomb.

The owner of Jimmy John’s is buying Subway – saying they want to offer customers a choice of terrible sandwiches with either more meat at Jimmy John’s, or no meat at Subway.

Blackswan is a four-woman K-pop group with no Korean members. They chose Blackswan after changing their first choice, Kim-chi’li Van=il’li.

Britney Spears posted an Instagram message reading “F*ck with me . I dare you”. Her three ex-husbands said they have, and still wanted out.

Dennis Rodman had his girlfriend’s face tattooed on his buttocks, since he thought it would be nice to sit on her face for a change.

Zillow is offering mortgages to prospective home buyers with just a 1% down payment. They say it’s a good way for people to deal with soaring mortgage rates who want to experience what it’s like to have their house foreclosed & repossessed.

A former McDonald’s chef posted to social media to say 10:30a.m. – the breakfast-to-lunch changeover – is the worst time to eat there, contradicting the widely-held opinion that the worst time to eat at McDonald’s is “anytime”.

The U.S. may revise its recommended alcohol-consumption guidelines to just two beers per week. “Okay” said men sipping a 72-ounce beer.

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Eclipse, a Seattle dog famous for learning to ride the bus to a dog park alone, has died. To fill the void, multiple homeless Seattle residents have stepped in to ride the bus with their genitals exposed.

Student loan forgiveness applications are now being accepted through a ‘beta test’ website. “What’s a website?” asked borrowers who probably shouldn’t have received student loans.

Alaska’s snow crab harvest is cancelled after millions of the crustaceans disappeared from the state’s coastal waters. Carnival Cruise Lines reported several riots on board ships, when the crab leg station at the buffet was filled with Mrs. Paul’s fish sticks.

New England Patriots owner Robert Kraft was married in a surprise ceremony on Friday. The couple wrote their own vows, with hers beginning “Robert, me love you long time..”

Tom Brady attended Kraft’s wedding solo, without his wife Gisele Bundchen. He successfully avoided a blitz by every single and separated woman in attendance.

Kanye West is acquiring conservative social media app Parler, joining Candace Owens as the only verified black people on Parler.

Hearing aids are now approved for over-the-counter sale, coming to the rescue for hearing-impaired adults, and high school kids who need help cheating or hearing gossip.

A new study finds limited-contact practices to be one of the best ways to reduce head injuries in youth football, followed by having an unathletic kid who gets cut or rides the bench.

Some members of K-pop supergroup BTS are starting their required 18-month military service in the South Korean army. Fellow enlisted men marching in formation with BTS singers are still getting used to having panties thrown in their direction.

New York City congressional candidate Mike Itkis, who’s running on a platform to legalize sex work, released a 13-minute video having sex with porn star Nicole Sage. Itkis may be the first politician in history whose poll numbers go up after f*cking constituents.