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Jury selection begins today in Donald Trump’s hush money trial. Seating the jury could take up to two weeks while they whittle down all of the candidates who ask for selfies and autographs.

Lori & George Schappell, the world’s oldest living conjoined twins, passed away at age 62. Memorial services are planned as soon as the family is done fighting with the funeral director over a 2-for-1 discount.

Roly Poly Bakery in Connecticut recalled their multigrain bread after officials issued a threat-to-life warning because it failed to list eggs as an ingredient. A grade school student who go a liverwurst sandwich made with the bread in his lunch issued their own threat-to-life warning to the parent who made it.

A&E Network premiered docuseries ‘Secrets of the Hells Angels’, detailing life inside the biker gang. The show promises to reveal innerworkings of criminal activity, initiation, and gang rituals – but unfortunately not their prize-winning chili recipe.

Scientists identified three previously-unknown species of ancient kangaroo, including one over 6 feet 6 inches tall. They were identified by skeletal remains and well-preserved basketball jerseys.

Gwen Stefani reunited with No Doubt to play Coachella on Saturday. The band was joined by pop superstar Olivia Rodrigo, and joined at other points by guys to deflect projectiles in case Stefani tried singing country songs she wrote with Blake Shelton.

New Apple Watch data finds it takes the average person 334 days to walk the equivalent of a marathon. Erroneous Apple Watch data also finds chronic masturbators complete a marathon every day.

CBS’ Sunday night telecast of Billy Joel’s 100th concert at Madison Square Garden started late, and was cut off in progress as CBS affiliate stations switched to local news at 11p – leaving many viewers angry at not knowing who started the fire.

MTV is reportedly cancelling reality show ‘Siesta Key’ after 5 seasons, saying now it’s just ‘Siesta’.

A New York woman, Sandra Weir, works as a ‘wedding nanny’ – reception guests leave their children with her while they party. She charges one fee for watching the kids, and a second fee for returning them after the parents get loaded and leave without them.

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A kangaroo that escaped while being transferred between zoos was captured in Canada, but punched a cop in the face while being apprehended. He was later hailed as a hero by other wrongly jailed kangaroos.

Godzilla Minus One, a Japanese-language monster movie, opened strongly at the U.S. box office. A sequel is reportedly in the works, Godzilla Plus One, where Godzilla brings a date to a family wedding.

Comic Relief US held their inaugural gala in New York City with a focus on reducing intergenerational poverty. Famous comics performed, then gave the money to broke comics that nobody’s heard of.

A New York Times investigation reported some air traffic controllers are drunk and sleeping on the job. This concerned Spirit Airlines pilots, who say they rely on sober guidance when landing their aircraft after five gin & tonics and a nap.

Missouri police pursued a suspected drunk driver while he towed a mobile home. He was apprehended after the pursuit, and was the state’s first DUI perpetrator to fail a field sobriety test in his bedroom.

A tanker carrying propane exploded in Vermont. Several alarms were issued, with multiple fire departments responding to create a pop-up chicken barbecue.

Victor Rocha, a career diplomat and former U.S. Ambassador to Bolivia, was arrested by the FBI and charged with serving as a spy for Cuba for decades. He was jailed and given a framed certificate for 40 years of government service.

Brenda Lee’s Rockin Around The Christmas Tree, recorded in 1958, became the oldest song to hit Number One on the Billboard Hot 100. Her success was noticed by Cardi B., who offered to duet with the 78-year-old Lee on her follow-up single, DAP.

Oxford University Press named ‘rizz’ its 2023 Word Of The Year. Rizz is short for charisma, can be used as either a noun or verb, and is destined to piss off someone who loses in Scrabble because of it.

Gino Hangenkotter remains on the run, the fourth escapee from a Philadelphia prison this year. The reward for information leading to his capture was increased to $2,000, and the reward for guards at the prison was increased to $13.75/hour.