Walmart announced they’ll pay worker’s full college tuition & book costs at 10 education partners, provided they continue to maintain at least a part-time schedule and live below the poverty line.

Vermont has the greatest percentage of adult residents with at least one COVID-19 vaccine, 83.2%. Officials say more adult residents would be vaccinated, but it’s difficult to get close enough to the bears.

Susan Wright, a Trump-endorsed candidate for the Texas U.S. House seat vacated by her dead husband, lost to fellow Republican Jake Ellzey. Wright gave a concession speech, conceding that the election was rigged and urging her followers to riot.

A North Dakota man was arrested for attempting to choke his girlfriend to death with a yo-yo string. She managed to escape because he couldn’t resist showing off his other tricks in-between attacks.

The CDC reinstated a recommendation to wear face masks indoors in areas of high transmission and low vaccination rates. Little kids in Florida will have to identify Disney Princesses by their dress and hair color.

Sydney, Australia extended its COVID-19 lockdown for four weeks due to a surge in cases. Residents won’t have a g’day until nex’month.

Simone Biles withdrew from the Individual All-Around gymnastics competition at the Tokyo Olympics to focus on her mental health. Several Olympic tennis players withdrew from their matches to focus on their dehydration and heat stroke.

McCormick recalled several varieties of Italian seasonings for possible salmonella contamination. They advise returning them or throwing them away, and using it as an excuse to skip Sunday dinner at your Italian grandmother’s house.

Hayli’s Law passed the Illinois Senate, allowing children under age 16 to operate a lemonade stand without a license or government interference. After the law passed, Hayli started adding vodka to the lemonade and now owns three houses and a boat.

Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher said that they rarely take full baths or showers, and bathe their children sparingly. Kunis’ ‘Bad Moms 3’ will be a documentary.

UFC President Dana White said he’s securing a private island to host upcoming pay-per-view fights, though it’s unclear whether fans will still put up the money to watch two chimpanzees fight each other.

A fire at a Florida airport destroyed 3,500 rental cars. It’s being called a total loss, because even the rental car companies declined the insurance.

Shares of Carnival Cruise Lines soared after the Saudi sovereign wealth fund bought 8% of the company. In exchange, Carnival agreed to provide cabins for all the wives in the harems.

Vermont ordered Costco, Target and other big-box stores to only sell essential items. There are now complete aisles in the stores dedicated to maple syrup.

Walmart joined other stores that are holding shopping hours exclusively for seniors. This, in addition to the exclusive 12-hour days for underpaid seniors working there.

Reports speculate that AMC movie theaters may not recover from current closures and may shut down for good. Other theaters would still take AMC’s popcorn inventory and sell it.

April’s full moon tonight will be the biggest supermoon of the year, owing to the moon’s orbit being closest to Earth. It’s so big, you’ll be able to see extraterrestrials social distancing.

White House press secretary Stephanie Grisham will leave her post without having held a single press briefing and return to being Melania Trump’s chief of staff. Grisham welcomed the move, saying she’s glad to go from doing nothing, to almost nothing.

Baltimore Ravens head coach John Harbaugh expressed concern about hackers disrupting the NFL’s upcoming ‘virtual draft’. The Cincinnati Bengals say they’re not worried and are expected to select Hugh G. Rection first overall.

UFC fighter Anthony Smith caught a robber breaking in to his Nebraska home. Smith was able to subdue the robber, who clutched jewelry in one hand, but tapped out with the other.