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An Iowa school district is nixing time-consuming Valentine’s Day celebrations and is instead hosting “Give Love” parties. Several teachers started early, having “give love” parties with individual students in their classrooms and cars.

White House spiritual adviser Paula White claims viral video of her praying for “all satanic pregnancies to miscarry” was ‘taken out of context’. She added that, to fully understand it, you’d need to see the entire speech at her niece’s 8th birthday party.

Chipotle restaurants were cited for over 13,000 child labor law violations by the state of Massachusetts and fined $1.3 million. “Those teenage workers cost a little bit extra, is that okay?” said the Attorney General.

New research claims cancer patients who were given psychedelic ‘magic mushroom’ drug psilocybin five years ago still benefit from the drug’s positive impact on their anxiety and depression. Researchers said another positive impact came from the patients not dying of cancer.

New York City public health officials say it’s only a matter of time before the deadly Wuhan coronavirus appears in the city. Locals are already taking precautions, as evidenced by the increasing numbers of rats wearing facemasks.

Antivirus software maker Avast has reportedly been capturing users web browsing data and selling it. “Shiver me timbers! Those scalliwags know me porn preferences!” said Avast users.

The Los Angeles Chargers released Philip Rivers, their quarterback for the last sixteen seasons. Rivers is expected to look for another team instead of throwing in the towel, because the towel would probably be intercepted, anyway.

The New York Police Department has a $10 million lab devoted to cracking the encryption of iPhones confiscated during crimes. So far they’ve succeeded gathering evidence from phones encrypted with birthdays and single digits added to ‘password’.

Walmart is testing higher starting wages for employees in some stores. The new “team associate” role starts at $12/hour instead of the standard $11/hour. The extra $40/wk is expected to attract more appealing candidates who demand a luxury lifestyle.

The Supreme Court approved a plan allowing immigrants to be screened based on their wealth. To beat the system, more and more destitute people have been seen crossing the U.S./Mexico border with top hats, monocles and walking sticks.

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A man in China spent $1.4 million on a character in an online video game. It’s believed to be the most money anyone’s ever spent on a plumber.

Nintendo opened its first retail store in Tokyo on Friday.  The wait to get in was up to four hours long – or, much less if you jumped into a pipe near the store.

The New York Post published photos of Jeffrey Epstein on his private Caribbean hideaway, dubbed “Pedophile Island” by locals. In an unrelated photo, Eric Trump is pictured wearing a “My Dad Went To Pedophile Island And All I Got Was This Lousy T Shirt” shirt.

Elon Musk explained the glass broke during his Cybertruck demo because hitting door panels with a sledgehammer weakened the glass before it was hit with metal balls. Musk plans a follow-up event where Tiger Woods ex-wife Elin Nordegren will hit the Cybertruck with a 3-iron to restore consumer trust.

In separate incidents, pork; romaine lettuce and Cheese Nips have all been recalled. So for now you can’t order the House Salad at Golden Corral.

Website Business Insider gave a negative review to Burger King’s BBQ Bacon Triple Whopper, saying it wasn’t worth the $11 price. A Burger King spokesman said the review is unfair since the burger wasn’t ordered or eaten at 3a.m.

The FDA granted a Breakthrough Therapy designation for psilocybin – the key psychoactive ingredient in magic mushrooms – to treat severe depression. It’s the first-ever prescription drug bundled with bootleg recordings of Grateful Dead concerts.

Disney’s ‘Frozen 2’ brought in $127 million at the weekend box office, topping all other films. ‘Charlie’s Angels’ continued to bomb despite changing its name to Charlie’s Frozen Angels and renaming two angels Elsa and Anna.

150 pounds of Mexican bologna was seized by U.S. Customs agents in El Paso. Customs said the meat has the potential to introduce foreign animal diseases to the U.S. pork industry, and also the labels list the first ingredient as heroin.

A 63-year-old German man died from a rare infection he contracted after being licked by his dog. Later, at a nearby dog park, the infected dog walked up to several bitches and told them they should get tested.