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$15 million in counterfeit currency was seized in Philadelphia. In the meantime, merchants are warned to be on the lookout for suspicious bills with pictures of Gritty or Nick Foles.

Subway plans to open 4,000 stores in China, making it the country’s second-biggest pandemic of the decade.

An audit of New York City police finds up to 25% of stops made by the city’s new anti-crime team were unlawful. However, the anti-crime team has an above-average success rate getting dates with attractive women during searches.

Taylor Swift was spotted at an Arkansas bar with Los Angeles Lakers guard Austin Reaves following her breakup with The 1975 frontman Matty Healy. The hookup with Reaves is surprising, since he’s not great at getting rebounds.

Pope Francis was hospitalized for abdominal surgery. Seems that years of covering up for child molesters finally made him sick to his stomach.

The 24-year-old assistant to DJ Paul Oakenfold is suing him for sexual harassment, saying he masturbated in front of her four times in a single day. Oakenfold claims he just can’t stop the beat.

Air quality in New York City is now among the world’s worst as smoke from Canadian wildfires engulfs the area. Although some residents are cancelling vacations because now they can stay home and get the smell of piss on a campfire.

America’s Got Talent judge Simon Cowell gave a ‘Golden Buzzer’ – a pass to the semi-finals – to blind singer-songwriter Putri Ariani, calling her one of the best singers ever to perform on the show. This was great news for Ariani, but a tough break for one-legged stand-up comedian Hops McGee, who followed her.

North Dakota Governor Doug Burgum announced he’s seeking the Republican nomination for President in 2024. “Who?” said residents of North Dakota.

Starting June 12th, McDonald’s will introduce a new limited-time meal honoring Grimace’s birthday. It’ll turn customer’s faces purple after they choke on it.

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Britney Spears has given consent for ex-husband Kevin Federline to move their two sons to Hawai’i with his current wife. Britney said at first she was concerned about them being in a foreign country.

MMA fighter Mike Dragich was captured on viral video wrestling with a 10-foot alligator that had gotten on the grounds of a Jacksonville, Florida elementary school. He eventually subdued the gator, and took away the assault weapon it was carrying.

The House of Representatives passed a debt ceiling bill, after Speaker Kevin McCarthy told them if they didn’t, he wouldn’t be able to use the government Visa card for birthday pizza parties.

The National Eating Disorders Association helpline is replacing hundreds of staffers and volunteers with a chatbot named Tessa. Tessa was selected for her knowledge of eating disorders, and her great work at the Butterball Turkey tip line.

A new study finds Massachusetts is the most expensive state for child care, at an average of almost $21,000 annually. The cheapest is Mississippi, where it costs just over $5,000 per year to toss your kid on the pile with the rest of them.

Rapper Azealia Banks posted a warning to Taylor Swift, calling rumored new boyfriend Matty Healy an “incel” and to not “let..him climb the rich white coochie mountain”. Healy hopes to join John Mayer, Jake Gyllenhall, Harry Styles, and a handful of explorers who successfully summited Rich White Coochie Mountain.

A triple shooting took place just outside the emergency room entrance to Temple Hospital in Philadelphia. The victims walked everal feet to get inside, then held their wounds with one hand while they filled out paperwork with the other for 45 minutes.

On the latest episode of The Kardashians, Kim is seen telling her ex Pete Davidson “what you’re getting yourself into” at the start of their romance – as she holds up a pair of her signature Skims underwear.

Kelly Ripa said that Bravo host Andy Cohen iMessage’d her a photo of his lover’s erect penis while she was looking at her work iPad. Ripa said she closed the message instead of accepting Cohen’s invite to “watch what happens live”.

The Federal Trade Commission alleges Ring doorbell cameras were not secure for years, allowing one Ring employee to watch video footage of 81 different women. The employee admitted watching the footage, but said it took him forever to find 81 women who had sex on their front porch.