A Massachusetts woman being served with an eviction notice unleashed a swarm of bees on police. The woman was arrested, and police apprehended several hundred attack drones.

TikTok is raising their age requirement fot TikTok Live and adding adults-only livestreams. Users will receive multiple content warnings that the dancing grannies they’re about to see are naked.

Liz Truss resigned as the United Kingdom’s Prime Minister after just six weeks. Her replacement is uncertain, but a factory in China is cranking out thousands of Make United Kingdom Great Again hats.

Some electric cars in Florida are bursting into flames after being flooded with saltwater from Hurricane Ian. Even more of them are being flooded with saltwater by 80-year-olds driving them into the ocean while looking for parking near the beach.

American Airlines is discontinuing first class seating in order to install more business class capacity. Passengers can still be upgraded from coach, but will be required to work on a presentation for the big meeting in order to do so.

Environmental experts say bodies of water throughout the U.S. are drying up. Their assessment is confirmed by toddlers, who say the round pools in their backyards disappeared at the end of September.

Kris Jenner underwent hip replacement surgery, some of which was filmed for Hulu’s ‘The Kardashians‘. The osteopathic surgeon removing her hip was stunned to find two more vapid influencers stuck in it.

A five-year-old white Ohio boy claims that he’s the reincarnation of an African-American woman who died in a fire. The story is disputed by workers at his day care, who claim he made it up so he can keep saying the n-word.

A college student who rented an airplane for a dinner date died after walking into its propeller. His date said he misunderstood ‘giving head’.

A Florida sheriff’s deputy was charged for having sex seven times with a 17-year-old in the county’s ‘Youth Cadet’ program. The teenager said they thought it was odd to spend seven straight days roleplaying traffic stops.

Brazil’s President Jair Bolsonaro faces questioning after the discovery of Brazil’s military purchasing over 35,000 Viagra pills and three silicone penile implants. The questions would be directed to the three highest-ranking generals, but Bolsonaro said they’ve all been pretty busy. [Story h/t to J.H.!]

New York City subway shooting suspect Frank James was apprehended, but is alleged to have called the Crime Stoppers hotline to tell police he’d be near a McDonald’s in the city’s East Village. Cops surrounded James after finishing their McFlurries.

President Biden committed $800 million in military weapons & aid to Ukraine. Although, thanks to inflation, the price went up to $900 million the next day.

The U.S. Government announced new ways they’re helping households ease the burden of medical debt, including better disclosures, debt forgiveness, and the approval of the first-ever At-Home, Do It Yourself Boob Job.

Georgia Representative & inveterate dipshit Marjorie Taylor Greene said in an interview that joining the U.S. military is like “throwing your life away”. Greene defended her right to make such comments, having served 10 years in CrossFit.

Amazon is rebranding its free, ad-supported streaming video service from IMDB TV to Amazon FreeVee. They say the programming is so good, they’ll send you a bottle to urinate in because you won’t want to leave your chair.

Alabama legislators passed a record high education budget of $8.3 billion, including more money for school supplies and pay raises of 21% for some teachers. Teachers can qualify for even bigger raises if they have a 6th Grade diploma.

A 9-year-old girl waiting to see the Easter Bunny at a California mall was shot by a store owner chasing a shoplifter. The girl is expected to recover, and the Easter Bunny is now concealed-carry packing.

East coast convenience store chain Wawa is giving away free coffee all day Thursday in honor of their 56th anniversary. Doctors specializing in gastrointestinal illness are no longer accepting Friday appointments.

In the premiere episode of Hulu’s The Kardashians, Kim worries that a new sex tape may emerge from ex-boyfriend Ray J, asking “What if I was f***ing sleeping and he stuck a dildo up my ass?” Viewers were shocked to learn that Kim is an incredibly deep sleeper.