Major League Baseball’s Milwaukee Brewers extended alcohol sales at home games until the end of the 8th inning because new MLB rules have made games shorter. Extending alcohol sales for one more inning allows fans to get behind the wheel while they’re still drunk.

Nick Cannon says parenting 11 children with multiple women doesn’t allow him to have a single life, since he barely has enough free time to make more kids.

The Biden Administration declared fentanyl laced with animal tranquilizer xylazine an “emerging threat”, requiring a coordinated government response in 90 days. So far, they’ve come up with buttons reading “Don’t Take Fentanyl & Xylazine”.

Low sex drive in men is being increasingly linked to a chemical imbalance, hypoactive sexual desire disorder, or HSDD. It’s also being linked to their wives and girlfriends spending 10 hours a day in flannel pajamas.

Elon Musk said he’s laid off about 80% of Twitter’s staff, or roughly 6,500 people. Musk also said he’s lost at least 6,500 followers.

The FDA approved an over-the-counter version of the emergency opioid antidote Narcan. The bad news is you probably can’t get to the drug store in time to reverse an overdose; the good news is it’s eligible for double CVS ExtraCare Reward points.

A man on a tour in Zimbabwe described how he survived being waist-deep in a hippo’s mouth after his canoe was upended. He was able to get the hippo to spit him out by pouring his Mountain Dew down its throat.

A New Jersey man who claims to be the “biggest advocate & supporter” of Jack Daniels burned merchandise and hundreds of dollars worth of whiskey over their use of drag queens in advertising. Hours later he woke up hungover and wondering what happened to his Jack Daniels merchandise & whiskey.

Following his financial fraud indictment for hush money payments to a porn star, Donald Trump is asking for a delay in a different case accusing him of sexual assault. He cites difficulty finding lawyers who will work in exchange for free rounds of golf.

Arkansas Governor Sarah Huckabee Sanders is requiring applicants for positions in the state to write 500-word essays detailing what they admire from her leadership. Since this is Arkansas, the essay requirement is expected to be reduced to two words.

A federal judge dismissed Stormy Daniels’ defamation suit against President Trump, saying that Trump calling Daniels’ claims of threats & harassment “a total con job” was just ‘rhetorical hyperbole’. The judge added that he can’t really remember Trump using language that wasn’t ‘rhetorical hyperbole’.

Former American Idol Season 6 contestant Antonella Barba was arrested & charged with dealing heroin.  Her next performance will be a blues number.

Los Angeles Dodgers announcing legend Vin Scully declined an invite from Fox Sports’ Joe Buck to join him in the broadcast booth during the Dodgers/Brewers playoff game. Scully said that he wouldn’t want to get in the broadcasters’ spotlight in any way, especially if it meant listening to Joe Buck.

A Tennessee father attacked his son with a chainsaw, then lost his leg when the son ran over him with a riding lawn mower in self-defense. The father was charged with second-degree attempted murder, and neighbors were left wondering who was going to clean up the huge mess in the yard.

Lady Gaga confirmed her engagement to talent agent Christian Carino, or, as he’ll soon be known, Lord Gaga.

A New England Patriots fan who dumped beer on Kansas City wide receiver Tyreek Hill has been identified and had his case turned over to local law enforcement. He has also been banned from all Gillette Stadium events – but was spotted at a local Halloween store buying a disguise for a Kenny Chesney concert.

Massachusetts Senator Elizabeth Warren made public results of a DNA test that she says proves her claim of Native American heritage. The DNA was swabbed from a deck of cards at an Indian casino where she worked as a blackjack dealer.

Will Smith appeared on wife Jada Pinkett Smith’s Facebook show, ‘Red Table Talk’ to discuss a low point in their marriage. Will Smith said that his wife ” woke up and cried for 45 days straight.” Jada said that she was drinking too much, and had also just watched ‘After Earth’.

Singer Roger Daltrey said in a new memoir he discovered he had fathered three ‘secret’ daughters in the time between his first and second marriages. “Who are you? Who? Who?” he asked them.

An article by Gizmodo claims that the ‘Do Not Track’ privacy feature in web browsers doesn’t work because websites refuse to abide by it. This was noticed by a guy receiving a gift basket on his fifth anniversary buying Pornhub Premium.