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Donald Trump’s former CFO Allen Weisselberg was sentenced to five months in jail for lying about the value of Trump’s property. He’ll serve the sentence in a 10×10 cell at Rikers Island, which he values at $5 million dollars and 2,000 square feet.

Arizona’s Supreme Court upheld an abortion law drafted in 1864, which calls for a near total ban on abortion, and jail time for any blacksmith or General Store clerk who performs one.

Two suspects stole pallets of meat from a refrigerated truck in Northeast Philadelphia. Undercover cops are hoping to learn more about the operation once they get invited to the cookout.

The Environmental Protection Agency announced its first-ever regulations for “forever chemicals’ found in public tap water. All municipalities must test their water and grade it on a scale ranging from ‘clean’ to ‘Flint Michigan’.

Gypsy Rose Blanchard, paroled for the murder of her abusive mother, got a nose job. Blanchard said the parole board told her to keep her nose clean, but they didn’t say anything about changing it.

Travis Kelce said on his podcast that he’s “having a blast” with Taylor Swift and “doesn’t know” how he got her interested in sports. Listeners speculate that she’s in to sports now because Travis plays a professional sport and she’s having sex with him.

The FCC is requiring internet providers to provide ‘nutrition labels’ that spell out specifics on pricing, download/upload speeds, and fees – and for Comcast/Xfinity, the amount of time on hold each month waiting for customer service.

Dating app Bumble is evaluating its ‘women make the first move’ strategy, possibly changing to ‘women decide who makes the first move’. Men are confused about what it means, which Bumble feels better represents men’s struggle to figure out what the hell women want.

Insurance companies are reportedly using drones to fly over houses and denying coverage to homeowners based on what they see, such as trampolines and six-foot-deep holes in the ground.

Friends of country singer Morgan Wallen say his arrest for throwing a chair off of a Nashville roof is evidence of a “drinking problem”. While other friends defended Wallen, saying the real problem is the bar needs “heavier chairs”.

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MTV Teen Mom Janelle Evans is leaving her husband, asking for full custody of their child, and graduating to VH1 Adult Divorcee.

Just one day after retiring from the NFL, Jason Kelce made good on his promise to Buffalo Bills fans and jumped on to a flaming table, per their tailgate tradition. Kelce just needs to return to Buffalo, warm his hands down the back of his wife’s pants during a winter game, and throw a dildo on to the field to become Bills Mafia King.

A Microsoft engineer warned that the company’s Copilot AI image creator generates violent sexual imagery. Hearing this, dozens of high-school garage bands used it to make their album covers.

A Massachusetts man is suing the federal government for $9.5 million after he crashed his snowmobile in to a Blackhawk helicopter parked on a little-used airfeld. He lost his snowmobile, the use of his arm, and any fun he thought he’d have on a helicopter ride.

So You Think You Can Dance creator/producer/host Nigel Lythgoe faces his fourth sexual assault allegation in three months. Co-host Paula Abdul accused him of being Straight Up, and other women say he asked them So You Think You Can Take Off My Pants?.

CBS ordered a Young Sheldon spinoff series featuring older brother Georgie and wife Mandy, as they raise their baby together in Texas. It’s tentatively titled No Sheldon.

Director James Gunn shared the first shooting location of his Superman reboot – Norway, where Superman flees to his Fortress Of Solitude to wait it out and see just how f*cked up things are after the 2024 Presidential Election.

A man making a social media video walked in to a Glassboro, NJ store and dunked his head in a barrel of pickles, forcing the store to discard them. Police are asking for the public’s help, especially barbers if their customer’s head reeks of vinegar.

A Missouri teacher is accused of attempting to murder her husband by adding toxic lily of the valley plant to 8 beverages, causing severe illness. He’s recovering and learning how to make his own smoothies.

Buffalo Bils QB Josh Allen split his pants at dinner while in Paris with actress girlfriend Hailee Steinfeld as they attended Paris Fashion Week. Allen joked about the mishap, and was invited to model his torn pants at Buffalo Fashion Week.