By |

Sources report new flaws in grounded Boeing 737 Max jetliners, even after software updates. Boeing hoped new software, coupled with shutting the jet off, waiting a minute, then turning it on again, would correct all issues.

President Trump invited the U.S. Women’s National Soccer Team to the White House, ‘win or lose’, after they finish the World Cup.  Trump figures it’s cheaper to buy fast food for a dozen women soccer players than for a whole men’s college or pro football team.

Kim Kardashian is accused of cultural appropriation for naming a new line of shapewear ‘Kimono’. Women of Japanese heritage are angry, since a kimono is a traditional formal robe – and since almost none of them have butts big enough to need Kim’s Kimono.

A 40-year-old Jane Doe plaintiff sued the Church of Scientology for kidnapping, stalking, human trafficking, false imprisonment, libel, slander, invasion of privacy and intentional infliction of emotional distress. Said a Scientology spokesperson.. “that’s it?”

The Chicago cocktail lounge employee who spit on Eric Trump is being placed on leave to improve her aim.

The National Rifle Association shut down their 24-hour streaming channel, NRATV – upsetting children who found the last place they could still watch cartoon characters shoot each other.

Arby’s shared photos of “Megetables” – meat molded in the shape of vegetables. They added Megetables are a joke and won’t be sold in stores – unlike their mauve-colored roast beef, which is also something of a joke, and is sold in stores.

A woman was arrested for attempting to kidnap two small children at the Atlanta airport. She told investigators she just wanted to use them to board her flight early.

The first of two Democratic Presidential debates aired Wednesday night – leading to record high ratings of Big Bang Theory reruns and baseball games.

General Mills shares dropped, as company execs stated customers will splurge on snack treats for their pets, but not for themselves. To boost snack revenues, General Mills plans to introduce new Pupperoni for People.

 

 

By |

To protect against active shooters, faculty and students at Oakland University in Michigan are being given hockey pucks to defend themselves. They’re being told to throw the pucks at armed killers, because hockey sticks aren’t in the budget. 

A Dallas wedding photographer was kicked out of the reception and arrested after having sex with a guest & urinating on a tree. The guest who had sex with her was allowed to stay, the newlyweds are awaiting their proofs, and the photographer took her own mugshot. 

The new Alliance of American Football had their first ever ‘Quarterback draft’ to select players for the eight teams in the new league. Recently cut Buffalo Bills quarterback Nathan Peterman went undrafted. Said a league spokesman “come on, we’re not that desperate.”

In an interview with the New York Post, President Trump predicted that he’ll never win a Nobel Peace Prize, then took a break to call U.S. Border Patrol agents to see how the tear-gassing of women and children was going. 

Chuck Holton, a correspondent appearing on NRATV, told show host Dana Loesch “we need to train our boys” to charge at active shooters — adding that he’s seen the tactic work countless times in Iron Man and Captain America movies. 

Quentin Tarantino married his longtime girlfriend, singer Daniella Pick. The couple celebrated their first dance as man & wife while the wedding party stood in a circle around them pointing handguns at each other. 

Southwest Airlines apologized to the family of a 5-year-old girl, Abcde [pronounced ‘AB-city’] Redford, after a gate agent mocked the girl’s name in person and on social media. Abcde’s mom said it isn’t her daughter’s fault she was named while giving birth during a field sobriety test. 

A detective is suing the NYPD, claiming that his female boss shoved her dirty underwear in his mouth after he criticized her hanging them in a unisex station bathroom. He is seeking undisclosed damages and reimbursement for gallons of Listerine.

The Chinese government has ordered an end to the controversial trial of gene-editing babies – at least until a team of government experts decides on the right price to charge billionaires for a gene-edited baby. 

At the L.A. Auto Show, Hyundai introduced the 2020 Hyundai Palisade, a 3-row SUV that seats 8 Americans or 20 Koreans.