An all-Tesla racing league is in the works. Drivers are looking for pit crew members that can change tires and stick the plug in the right way on the first try.

Russian cybersecurity company Kaspersky Lab released findings that one-quarter of the malware found on Android phones used porn videos as the bait – starring Russian porn starlet Kandi Kaspersky.

Uber and Lyft drivers are surprised to learn that each app has implemented a tip limit for passenger payments. “Yeah, can you believe it? It’ll only let me tip you two bucks” say cheapskates.

A private practice nutritionist in NYC says that eating pizza for breakfast is better than eating most sugared cereal, a claim disputed by General Mills – makers of Papa John’s Chocolate Meat Lovers Crunch.

President Donald Trump approved the release of a controversial GOP memo alleging FBI abuse of surveillance, despite “grave concerns” from his FBI director and Democrats. Trump refused to release of a rebuttal document from Democrats, and the D- reading comprehension score he received summarizing the report’s contents.

The report is expected to be made available later today, and will be readable unless you’ve used up your 10 free articles for this month linking the Trump campaign to the Russians.

Punxsutawney Phil predicted six more weeks of winter. And Puertotawney Phil predicted at least six more months without power.

Shares of toy maker Mattel fell almost 9% on Thursday, as holiday sales failed to meet expectations. Barbie doll sales were actually up during the holidays, but were offset by disappointing demand for Time’s Up Ken.

A New York City teacher giving a lesson on slavery made several black students lie on the floor, and even stepped on some of them to ‘show what slavery felt like.’ Parents were outraged, although one of the stepped-on students asked for her phone number.

A plot to bombard the upcoming Marvel Black Panther movie with negative Rotten Tomatoes user reviews has been identified and will be monitored by the site. Assistance was offered by the Justice League, but Rotten Tomatoes said “no thanks.”