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Campbell/Pepperidge Farm is launching two new plant-based flavors of Goldfish snack crackers, Sweet Carrot and Cheesy Tomato. If you don’t like the new Goldfish, you can always flush them down the toilet.

A man and his pet opossum were kicked off a Jet Blue flight after the man released the animal from its carrier. It took a half hour because the passenger and the opossum both played dead.

New Hampshire enacted a Bring Your Baby To Work law, allowing state employees with infants between six weeks and six months old to bring them to work; just in time for winter, when state snowplow drivers need someone else to take the wheel for breaks.

A couple married for 70 years died minutes apart in Michigan. She passed away, then he decided he couldn’t eat his own cooking.

Indiana state troopers arrested a car thief driving a stolen Toyota with a fake license plate he’d drawn in crayon on a brown paper grocery bag. They requested his license & registration, and he asked for a moment while he got out his crayons and paper bag.

5,700-year-old chewing gum made from birch pitch was unearthed in Denmark, and scientists could retrieve the human genome and food particles from it. It was so well-preserved because it was wrapped in a Bazooka Cro-Magnon Joe comic.

A Florida man surrendered to police, admitting that he masturbated on to a woman in a Walmart toy aisle. Asked why he did it, the man said because the housewares section was pretty dead.

Following a Wall Street Journal exposé, Amazon updated its sellers policy to prohibit them from offering items found in the trash. Amazon said if you want to buy garbage, there’s always Goodwill and Five Below.

Police searching a 75-year-old Utah woman’s home after her death found the body of her husband in a freezer, along with a notarized letter stating that she didn’t kill him. Authorities believe she hid the body to collect his Social Security and Army benefits, and in case she ran out of steaks.

Puerto Rico announced their intent to defy a U.S. ban and continue legalized cockfighting. They say the ban was put in place after construction was near completion on the 15,000 seat Frank Perdue Cockfighting Arena.

 

 

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Pepperidge Farm is voluntarily recalling more than 3 million packages of goldfish crackers over possible tainting from salmonella. No illnesses in children have been reported, but a lot of moms and nannies are pretty sick.

Gun control advocates are concerned that recent State Department decisions will allow anyone to make a working plastic firearm using a 3D printer.  Their concerns are echoed by employees at Staples, who are being bombarded with questions by customers wondering which toner they need to buy to make bullets.

President Trump tweeted that he’s concerned about potential Russian interference in upcoming U.S. elections, adding that since he’s so “tough on Russia”, the Russians “won’t want Trump”. 30 million U.S. voters now have something in common with Russia.

Officials in California are searching for former MTV “Be an MTV VJ!” contest winner Jesse Camp, who has been reported missing by his family. They were hoping he’d show up right after this World Premiere Video from White Lion, but it didn’t happen.

Ivanka Trump is shutting down her namesake fashion brand. Impacted textile workers will be offered retraining, or as they call it in Indonesia, elementary school.

A North Carolina woman is warning that a “callus cutter” used in conjunction with her pedicure caused an infection that almost forced the removal of her leg.  A spokesperson for the salon said that either way, the callus is gone.

The mother of a 17-year-old girl in Memphis is blaming her daughter’s emergency gallbladder removal on her four-bag-a-day Hot Cheetos habit. Medical experts dispute the mother’s claim, but surgeons said it was the dustiest, orange-est gall bladder they’ve ever seen.

Police are warning against a “super dangerous” dance challenge. Popular entertainer Shiggy posted a video dancing in the middle of the street to Drake’s ‘In My Feelings’; other Instagrammers have tried to top him by doing the same, or dancing while stepping out of moving cars. Police ask you to call 911 if you see someone dancing dangerously, and they’ll respond and shoot them.

Thousands of people signed a petition to have the Netflix series “Insatiable” canceled. The show chronicles an overweight bullied girl who slims down and then takes revenge on her tormentors. Netflix has not replied directly to the fat-shaming accusations, but says it has always encouraged binging.

WWE star Nikki Bella has called off her wedding to fellow wrestler and actor John Cena. The couple and their fans are heartbroken, but are hopeful they can pull it back together in time for Nuptialmania.